Like Thousands of Silver Pearls

A Special Day

2009-03-05T08:59:00.002-05:00

You would have been 90 today. It is only appropriate that we welcome Winks tonight on your birthday. We will raise a glass (or two) for you tonight, as will the collective family across the world. You are so missed, so treasured.

Happy birthday, Gramma.

This Is What Old Looks Like

2009-02-25T13:42:00.004-05:00

Pitiful, isn't it?

Happy 40th Birthday, Justin!

And belated happy birthday to Tami. Here they are...many moons ago...circa 1994-ish.
My, you have such pretty glasses Justin.
------------------------------------------------------------
Edited to add (and because, geez...it is his birthday) they have both aged very well...and he IS a handsome devil besides.
Some desert, somewhere out west.
Furry face.
Gussied up.
Lookin' fine!

February Cliff Notes

2009-02-23T19:08:00.016-05:00

It's actually Cliff's Notes. Cliff (possessive)'s Notes. I know! Who knew?

February has been something of a blur. Busy and cold. Jack's basketball season is over, but it ended on a high note. His team didn't exactly have a winning record, but the blessing of a nine year old's memory is that he only remembers the games they won and how many points he scored this season. He had a great time, learned a bunch and is excited to play again.

His last game found his team significantly ahead of their opponents, giving the coaches the opportunity to pull rabbits out of hats and put the ball in every kid's hands. In particular, little James, who spent most of the season skipping from one end of the court to the other and generally avoiding the ball at all costs, got a chance to make his dad proud. A play designed by the coaches pitted three of the tallest kids against the poor sprite guarding James, letting him sneak around them to shoot at the basket. He got several shots at the basket and launched the ball...to nowhere. He somehow managed to draw a foul or two and after three breathless attempts far ahead of the foul line (the ref was in cahoots, too), finally scored a point. The "plan" wasn't as covert as the boys thought, and when the ball slipped through the hoop, the crowd erupted, his father cheered at the top of his lungs and his mother wiped away tears of pride. It really was magical...I cried and cheered like a freak, too (shut up). It took the efforts of the coaches and the willingness of Jack's team to make it happen, but watching those boys work together to make it possible for James to know what it feels like to score a game point was so inspiring and so moving. It was like a scene out of a well scripted movie. We couldn't have been prouder of our boys and more grateful to the coaches for showing them what it means to be team players. It didn't matter that they lost many (ok, most) of their games...they won and won BIG in the end. But now it's over. And I am sad about it (really). But having my Tuesdays and Saturdays back isn't such a bad thing.

We spent a couple more days with our friends skiing this month (Hi Lisa. You win. You're welcome). Turns out Maggie is more of a lounge lizard than a ski bunny, but it works for her. She has an amazing ability to entertain herself and makes the most of a little hill in front of the lodge to body sled and play in the snow. As much as I'd like to force her to ski, it would totally backfire and she'd probably break an arm or leg to get back at me. Best to let her set the pace (trust me).
The other two have taken to the slopes like...like...well crap...I don't have anything (fish to water, flies to shit??). But whatever...they're doing so well and loving every minute they get to ski with their friends (who can ski circles around them, but no matter). They've taken several more lessons (I guess they're up to about four or five hours of semi-private lessons) and are now riding the ski lift without the help of an adult (who I assumed would throw themselves off the seat after my babies if there was an unfortunate accident) and making their way down the mountain in one piece (with the beginnings of a little style...if I may say so myself). It has been a real joy to watch them and we're excited about the possibility of joining the ski club next year to give them ample opportunity to become proficient skiers (and hopefully we can get Maggie out of the lodge).

The girls have started dance at Nazareth again and, as my good friend Denise says, I don't think we're going to be dancing in the Nutcracker Ballet this year. Libby is earnest and tries hard, but she's athletic and more suited to plowing down little girls on a soccer field (or rugby field) than pirouetting across the stage. But at least she'll know the dance moves. Maggie is much more interested in Lauren, her cousin, who dances with them and who's feet also do not touch the ground. The two of them (Lauren and Maggie) are somewhere out in fantasy land and routinely have to be brought back to earth to shake their money makers inappropriately and ignore everything else their sweet, unpaid college instructors try to teach them. It's going to be a really beautiful recital (snort), but not to worry...I'm gonna have the biggest bouquets of flowers this year! Oh yeah, bitches...now I know why they have those damn recitals.

Well, geez, I guess that's it for February. On to March.

In eleven more sleeps Winky will be here!! And Brighid will be here!! But, really, Winky will be here!! Can you stand it? She is flying in from London and will spend at least 3 days with us (we're pulling out all the stops and if need be, will resort to crying to the US Airways ticketing supervisors to see if we can't get a couple of more days in). At the very least we will have a great weekend together. Brighid arrives in the afternoon and Winky will be here late evening next Thursday. I already have my menus planned (a shocker, I know) and will bribe the kids to make me look good ("Yes, Mummy, I would like to go to my room to read poetry for a bit and then, if it's alright with you, I'd like to clean the bathrooms"). I am so excited to see them both...it has been about 24 years since I saw Winky (siss, man) and about 18 months since I saw Brighid (ag, shame). Poor Steve. We will (I promise) blog while they are here and will probably throw in a couple of nanner-nanner-nanner-see-how-much-fun-we're-having for good measure. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

Work has been a little hectic for both Steve and I. He is feeling the icy grip of a relentlessly cold winter and I am feeling the cold, dead fingers of a miserable economy (I never said I wasn't a drama queen). But, he can hunt and I can gather, so all will be fine.

On a personal note, I have developed the complexion of an eighty two year with mild acne. I'm really quite fetching. WTF? I have a drawer full of potions and swear off wine every night (every.single.night.), and yet I still seem to be aging at an alarming rate. Is it just me?

Okay, that's it for now. Facebook has been a bit of a time suck (alas my poor blog), but I've missed you. I miss your comments (hint, hint) and will try to get back in the habit of writing more regularly. Pinky swear.

PS. Awww...isn't this so cute? This wasn't staged...he just needed a cuddle.

Are you missing me?

2009-02-05T13:22:00.001-05:00

I'm on Facebook. Come and be my friend!

No Facebook? I'll be posting this weekend!

Shoop, Shoop, Down They Go

2009-01-22T09:29:00.005-05:00

We had the opportunity to take the kids skiing on Monday, and WOW...they've been bitten by the skiing bug (which I think is going to send me from the poor house to the flat broke house!). Friends of ours belong to a private ski club, so it was the perfect combination of individual attention from ski instructors and a pretty small crowd that gave the kids a chance to really learn. They had no idea what to expect, and all came away with a hint of some serious ski skills (with MUCH to learn, but a GREAT start!). Here some fun pictures from Monday.
Here they are, waiting for their instructors. At this point they were impatient, sweaty (the lodge is HOT) and a little nervous. But aren't they the picture of ski-bunny-ness?
Maggie came very close to not skiing. She was so hot, and quickly melted down about everything ("my neck hurts, my legs are itchy, why are these boots so tight?"). She was the most nervous, but ended up doing very well...skiing alongside her instructor by the end of the day.
It shouldn't surprise you that Libby never lost focus, didn't complain once and could not wait to get up on those skis. Every morning since Monday, she's asked me when we're going skiing again (next weekend). Even after two solid hours of instruction, with only a short break for hot chocolate, she wanted to keep skiing.
We met the family we went with through Jack...their son is one of his closest friends. And he (the friend) has only been skiing a year, but is pretty good (naturally). So Jack was very uptight about having to stay on the bunny hill, and "learn"...and being embarrassed in front of his friend. I don't think he had realistic expectations of how hard it is to learn. Anyway, he also did great...was learning to turn by the end of the day, and is also very anxious to get back on the slopes (and yes, he had a hair cut yesterday...he looks like a rock star and made me spend $12 on Paul Mitchell shaping balm. I took a picture of him this morning...will post it tomorrow...I think he's gonna be a lady killer).
The future Suzy Chapstick and Peekaboo Street (skiers have goofy names).
Jack with his instructor, Joe.
Steve and I had front row seats to the all the activities and literally beamed from ear to ear with pride for the entire day. However, we are old, slightly plump and do not wish to ever be on skis. So we drank beer and took pictures...even of ourselves. I get kudos for posting such an extreme closeup of myself, because...er, wow...where did all those wrinkles come from?

The Animal Odd Couple

2009-01-18T21:07:00.001-05:00

I just love this story. Sniff, sniff. In other news, I'm on a new project, so time is limited and I'm feeling a little frazzled, but new posts this week (I promise!). In the meantime, enjoy!

Job at the FBI

2009-01-12T09:27:00.002-05:00

I have 3 Marshall's gift certificates to spend...no time to type. So, while you're waiting for a real update, enjoy my favorite joke.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair . . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was Quiet for a bout 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After another. They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Someone please send the boy a cookie...

2009-01-07T18:59:00.001-05:00

An email from Justin today (he asked for my new address to send Katy's hand-me-downs...it's like Christmas!):

Big box, including some nice shoes, some crappy but good shoes, pair of new winter boots and the usual Katy broken in stuff.

Some good for working with dad under the Chevy, but most pretty decent stuff.

I accept cash, cash and cash, or you could send me my freaking cookies you procrastinator.

Holy shit!

God created the earth in 7 freaking days.

What kind of damn cookies take months to make?

Oh, and I want some lobster tails.

Nothing too ostentatious though.

Don’t want to come across as uppity.

Thank you for the gifts Martine.

You and mom did not follow the rules, but as I was one of the benefactors of your reckless rule breaking, thank you.

Did you know my birthday is next month?

40 years old.

That’s a big one.

Needs to be celebrated just right, with huge and very expensive gifts.

Like a box of freaking damn ever loving cookies!

I will accept cash, liquor and freaking cookies.

Chivas Regal is a nice, gentle hint.

55 gallon drum should work just fine.

You do know how to bake right?

This whole cookie thing is going to put me in therapy you know.

Oh, I also like meat.

The basics. Brisket, ham, turkey, dolphin tongue…the usual.

Summer sausage with those fancy little cheeses. Now that’s the way to a mans heart right there!

Or you can send him freaking COOKIES!!!!!

I like guns!

And my truck.

Oh shit.

I think I might be ADD.

Did I mention cookies?

Have I told you about my gun?

Its big you know.

I oil it every night, and sometimes in the morning too.

I will send the package out in the morning munchkin.

Lots of love

Your cookie starved, meat craving gun rubbing brother.

This Might Kill Me

2009-01-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

Oh my hell. I'm so hungry. Day 1.75 of my diet and I'm starving.

And before you tell me I need to fuel the machine, that I need to eat to lose, I am eating! Real food. Real healthy food. I'm just not gorging.

And my belly. It likes to be gorged. With cheese. And maybe a package of rice.

In a Nutshell

2009-01-06T08:45:00.003-05:00

Kids went back to school yesterday...kicking and screaming all the way. Got a call from the school nurse at 1pm, Maggie has a "bad stomachache"...the child practically skipped out of there!

Stepped on the scale yesterday...day 1. Ten pounds by June 1st...totally attainable, but perhaps impossible (I could lose, gain, lose and gain the same 10lbs in 5 months, fer crissake).

Job is changing again. Still waiting for my new assignment...learning something new is stressful, but at least I have a job, right? Fingers crossed.

My neighbor gave me a cool calendar this morning...I love transferring all my info to a new calendar with a new pen and super neat handwriting. Does that make me a dork?

More later this week...

Thirty One

2008-12-31T09:46:00.014-05:00

That's how many pictures I took over the holidays. Thirty one! I usually take that many in a single sitting!

How pitiful.

Slim picture pickings aside, we've had a great Christmas. Santa was very good to us (even if he didn't think the knitting kits all the way through...who did he think was actually going to teach TWO six year olds to knit?). The kids were spoiled (oh my!), my liver got pickled and my belly expanded in direct proportion to the latter two.

It's just disgusting.

I will be a strict diet and exercise regimen come Monday. I know I've previously threatened to take before and after pictures, but I think I'm really going to do it this time.

Anyway, back to the cherubs (cough, cough). Here's Libby at the Gingerbread Town at school. Each child in her class was positioned behind his or her masterpiece while the rest of the school traipsed by in single file. She was ever so proud.
Maggie's class made gingerbread people which were displayed in the hall outside her class. We took the assignment very seriously and her candy laden person needed extra reinforcements to stay up on the wall.
Jack's teacher is exceptionally patient and created a holiday party the kids won't soon forget. She organized games for the group, one of which was a relay race opening Hershey Kisses with mittens on. Jack has some how earned the nickname "Soup" at school, and it was so much fun watching him scramble to open candies while all the boys chanted "Soup, Soup, Soup". Here he is on Christmas morning (a picture I had to crop as he was in his underwear for most of the day...can you imagine what he'd do to me if I posted a picture of him in his underwear!?).
The folks down south (Dallas-ites) also had a great Christmas Day together. They claim to have missed us, but judging from the pictures I've seen our absence went entirely unnoticed. Brighid sent some gorgeous pictures of the 'rents. This one is of Dad, soaking it all in and looking ever so handsome.
This is a great picture of Mom and her fifth grandchild (Wilson-The-Dog). She has weathered a rough couple of years, but you'd never know it by how beautiful she looks.
Speaking of Wilson, here is a disgusting public display of affection between him and his new boyfriend,Justin. Fellas! Get a room!
And that's it from me! I hope you all have a safe and happy New Year's Eve, and that the best things in life come to you in 2009!

Maybe Next Year

2008-12-24T13:50:00.004-05:00

My neighbor arrived shortly before noon, with a bottle of Merlot. It was gone by 12:26pm...thus cancelling the Santa retrospective and house cleaning (thank God).

Such a shame, too. Maybe next year.

I have been so richly blessed. I have an amazing family, amazing kids and husband, and a great network of friends who truly care about me and mine.

What more could I ask for?

So, for you all, for Christmas and for 2009, I hope for the same. To feel loved, to feel blessed and to life your best life.
Merry Christmas!

Edited to add Wilson, who was to be included in the Santa retrospective.He's asking Santa for a bigger ding-a-ling. Stay tuned.

Postage Budget

2008-12-23T08:18:00.005-05:00

This will not be my last post before Christmas....didn't haul the crew to get pictures taken with Santa yesterday NOT to post a Santa retrospective...but had a small revelation this morning.

Wow!

I've got a lot of nerve.

A big set.

Complaining bitterly about the lack of Christmas cards when sitting not two feet from me is a giant envelope filled with my overseas cards. They are addressed and licked shut. And sitting in a giant envelope. That's because I bought several books of stamps to send them in the first week of December, but forgot to weigh the cards before calculating how many stamps each would need. Before I left the post office I weighed one and after pushing my eyeballs back in their sockets ($.95 for EACH...I had over 20), I told myself I'd bring them back to be metered, thus saving the stamps (and extra postage) for the eighty plus cards I was sending State side.

Yes, a very well thought out plan...with very poor execution.

So, without further ado, to my friends and family in South Africa, New Zealand, Canada and Holland....my 2008 Christmas card.

The front:

The back:

Merry Christmas and may the blessings of 2009 be bountiful!

1, 2, 3

2008-12-19T13:18:00.003-05:00

Christmas is now literally around the corner. How did that happen? I have so much on my mind and have completely neglected my obsessive list making. Very unlike me. So, 3 quick lists to catch up.

Things I have lost track of are as follows:

1. What I have to bring for the kids "holiday" parties (they are not "Christmas" parties anymore). They each have a separate party at a separate time (which is so much easier and yet impossible), and I have volunteered to bring something to each (cookies, Hershey kisses, or something like that), but did not write anything down. I think I'll have to buy a few different things and just show up with a full Wegman's bag, open it up at each party and just say "take what you need".

2. Who I have left to buy for. All out of town gifts are on their way, but I still have 2 charities to donate to. I have 2 stocking stuffers left to buy and a couple of gifts. Which seems like, hey, I do know who I have to buy for, but the problem is it changes from moment to moment when I remember what I've ordered, where I've hidden boxes, etc. Which brings me to number 3.

3. Where I've stashed the goods. I have a couple of things hidden in my closet, under my bed, and in the basement. The closet and the bed are very manageable. The basement, not so much. There are things hidden in totes, bags and boxes that look remarkably like the ones we packed when we moved. I can see it now, rushing to the basement on Christmas morning to retrieve forgotten somethings or anothers. Libby is already very stressed out that I have not bought any more wrapping paper (she has no idea that I wrapped presents until my knees when numb on Monday). She keeps saying "Mommy, you're gonna need to buy A LOT of wrapping paper to wrap all the presents. Right? All the presents? Right?". She would be blown away if she knew how much was hidden in place sight!

Things that are irritating me:

1. Christmas cards. Don't people send them anymore? I love opening my mailbox and seeing a big pile of cards. Love it. But not this year. Very disappointing. Oooh...which reminds me. Tami, I went to the post office this morning to mail the other Webkinz that arrived yesterday...and found your Christmas card from us (the second one) still in my purse. It's on it's way!

2. The economy. Without launching into a debate, I'm just beyond stunned at the level of incompetence in both the private sector and the government. Scary times.

3. A little shit head at Jack's school has implicated him in an unseemly incident. Asked him to lie about something pretty serious and (thank God) Jack refused (and promptly told me). I thought it was appropriate to let Jack's teacher know what went down, and now it looks like Jack will need to give his version of events to the principal. He is in no way, shape or form in trouble...I just know that that kind of attention is very stressful for him and now I'm wishing I'd kept my mouth shut.

Things I'm floating on air about:

1. The results of my Dad's surgery. First of all, the surgery itself was not nearly as traumatic as previously predicted and he was home in less than half the time expected. His pain levels have decreased, and he has already resumed his regular life (putting himself back on the work schedule after the New Year). The results of the pathology reports were all encouraging (4 of the 5 were negative, the 5th showed some cancer cells, but they were unable to determine if they were live or dead). So really, we got the best possible outcome and have much to be grateful for!

2. I'm going to have a house full of Aunts in a couple of months! Hoping to see my Mom's two sisters in March/April. Very, very exciting!

3. My kids. They are so excited and so cute about Christmas. I can't wait! I hope Christmas is always this much fun.

That's it for today. Oh, a quick funny story. The kids have those advent calendars that have a little piece of chocolate under each day of the month. Libby came downstairs a couple of mornings ago and says,

"WHAT?! 24 is GONE! Wait, 18 is gone, too! MOOOOMMMMMY!"

Turns out Maggie snuck downstairs and ate everyone's chocolate. Every last day was in her belly. It was so naughty, and the other two were SO mad...but, damn...that's funny!

Dear Gramma and Grampa

2008-12-14T20:05:00.001-05:00

Suffice it to say we are thinking of you tonight, on the eve of Dad's second major surgery. You must know that you are in our hearts, in our prayers and in every thought. Dad, we will say a prayer for your speedy recovery and that this is the last time you ever need to see inside of a surgery suite again...ever. You have endured enough, and I feel very strongly that this will be it. Your cancer marathon will be done and the rest of your life will be waiting for you on the other side. Mom, we'll pray for your strength and perserverance to keep going, even went it seems too impossible.

The above is a quick word from your grandchildren, who miss you and will be sending their own brand of healing energy and love!

We love you...in every sense and depth of the word.

A Little Elf

2008-12-12T08:42:00.003-05:00

A little preview for you. I've started gathering pictures for a retrospective of sitting on Santa's lap. I'm missing at least two years, but I know they're here somewhere. If I get the time this weekend, I'll scrounge around and scan them for Monday. In the meantime, here's Jack at about six months old.My God! I just wanna eat him!

Have a happy weekend!

Today

2008-12-10T21:53:00.002-05:00

Libby got off the bus and announced that she wanted to shovel the driveway. We'd had about an inch of the heavy, slushy stuff and she wanted to help Daddy by having the driveway clear before he arrived home from work. Steve pulled into the driveway to Libby wielding a giant shovel, wearing her knee high pink boots and a Santa hat.

What a welcome sight!

Once back inside, Libby settled in for a little after school TV, only to be harrassed by her twin. Maggie flitted about, obstructing Libby's view often and relentlessly enough that she lept up from the couch, tackled her and gave a her a closed fist punch to the back. They were both sent to their rooms immediately...Maggie for taunting and Libby for the back-to-front knuckle sandwich. Libby stomped off, begrudgingly accepting her punishment. Maggie flailed about the family room floor until I started to count to three, threatening to double her room time. To which she slammed the TV remote onto the coffee table, realized she meant to be more dramatic, picked it back up and threw it on the floor. For good measure, she turned around and kicked my Christmas candle off the table across the room.

She didn't come out of her room until dinner.

And Jack just sat there, doing his spelling.

I'm leaving all my riches to him.

Linkedy Goodness

2008-12-08T21:13:00.017-05:00

I have a long list of blogs I read regularly. Someday when I figure out how to do it, I will link them all in my sidebar, like real bloggers do, so that you can share in their literary goodness. But until then I'll just shamelessly steal ideas from them and occasionally link to something I think you shouldn't miss.

Like this.

**Ok, I have now typed "like this" 10 times and attempted to hyperlink or some such shit, but clearly I don't know what I'm doing. So, please, copy and paste the URL into your browser and read this blog entry. It is the single funniest piece of casual writing I've ever read (and I've revisited it several times in the last couple of years). I reread it this morning and laughed til I cried. Then I cried til my contacts leaked out of my eyes. Stick with it until the end. It's some funny shit (ha! ha! ha!). I promise.

http://captainhambone.typepad.com/not_that_you_asked/2006/03/today_is_a_spec.html

Enjoy!

**Edited to add that I will not let Blogger beat me. I finally figured it out. I linked! I have linkedy goodness! But, I was too lazy to clean up the rest of the post. So I left it.
----------------------------------------------------

Looks like I wasn't done writing! I got my Christmas presents yesterday! And I couldn't resist! I told Steve we'd wrap the packages up to put under the tree (hence giving him a major break in the gift buying catagory), but when I opened the boxes I knew I had to take everything out immediately and set it up. What is "it", you ask? Well, first let me remind you what my bedroom looked like just 9 short months ago. Ouch. It hurts my eyes to look at the hideousness. Except the comforter. I like the comforter. It's the sea foam green that makes me wanna hurl.But look at it now! Isn't it spectacular? Don't you love it? The walls were painted a couple of months ago in preparation for someday, maybe, just possibly splurging on the comforter set I'd been coveting from...drum roll, please...JCPenny's (sorry, Mom...couldn't resist). Mom casually mentioned last week that on one particular day she could get an additional DEEP discount (not the five finger kind), was there anything I needed? Yes, I needed to work my husband over to convince him that NOW was the time to act. I may, or may not, have had to do dirty things to make my point...
...but wasn't' it worth it?!

Next is a simple iron headboard and some big art for over the bed. I have some "work" to do.

Angels at Marketplace

2008-12-08T20:05:00.006-05:00

Mondays are typically days I can plan on running errands and staying off the computer and phone (my phone whoring day off). So this morning I rushed out to Marketplace to spend my $10 JCPenny coupon because if I didn't I would have felt like I just wiped my ass with $10. I also had a pair of pants to return to Ann Taylor Loft, where the sales clerk managed to completely piss me off and make me break into a cold sweat (or a hot sweat...I refused to take my wool coat and scarf off because I didn't want to carry them...so I was roasting). She refused to credit my mall gift certificate (which I fucking USED to buy the stupid cuffed jeans. Yes, cuffed jeans) and instead made me take a store credit. And I had a receipt! I stomped out of there like a child and proceeded on to Dicks where I lost my shit in line behind a woman returning a pair of baby poop colored Uggs. Really. How long DOES it take for you to find the credit card you used to purchase those attractive boots?

I hate shopping.

Anyway, I was making my way back to my end of the mall, the end where I parked my car in such a way as to make the quickest getaway possible (I know myself too well), and witnessed two random scenes that put a lump in my throat and made me want to go back and so I was sorry to the Ann Taylor lady. I was so moved that I grabbed my cell phone and called the home phone and left a message to remind myself to blog about it. I could barely get the words out without crying (I quickly deleted it when I got home so Steve didn't have to wonder if I'd finally lost my marbles).

The first was right when I walked out of Dick's and was just gaining speed with my long, purposeful, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here strides when I had to slow down for an older couple holding hands. They were two men, in their late 50's, I presume, and of different races. As I passed them, I glanced back and saw that one was profoundly mentally challenged. They were strolling through the mall, hand in hand, checking out the sights and watching other people. I suppose the "normal" guy was used to second glances. But he seemed oblivious to anyone and held the other mans hand so sweetly that it made me want to stop and hug them both. And buy them ice cream.

The second was only moments later. I was walking much slower by now...and hopefully didn't look quite so bitchy anymore. I wasn't exactly sure which way to go, so I stopped to look at one of those "You Are Here" maps (my quick getaway plan did not account for my poor sense of direction). Right behind the map was the North Pole and Santa was seated at his throne for pictures. Sitting on his knee was a woman who was 95 if she was a day. She had her picture taken, and, hunched over so low her head was near her cane, she was gingerly helped down by a woman in her 50's. The younger of the two quickly told Santa she'd be back, then turned her attention to the little old woman, and brightly told her "You looked beautiful". She slowly lead her back to the line, where three other old women stood waiting. They, too, were waiting to get their pictures taken with Santa.

Oh my God. I wanted to pick them up and put them all on Santa's lap, then take them for ice cream, too. I truly do hate the mall. I hate shopping. I hate the crowds. I hate sweating. But today I was reminded that you don't have to look too far to find the goodness in people. That there are people so willing to be at the service of others, who will endure the madness at the mall during Christmas to help someone far less fortunate enjoy the holidays.

Don't get me wrong. I like to think that I am kind and have a generous spirit. I frequently embarrass Steve by following older folks to their cars with their groceries. I've helped elderly or handicapped people into their cars and taken their carts back the coral. Helping other people does actually make me happy. I try to be a good person. And for some reason the grocery store doesn't bring out the worst in me quite like the mall.

And today I forgot that there are all kinds of people trying to get things done at the mall. People who challenges far exceed my need to get in and out. People who deserve my patience and respect. I was embarrassed with my short temper.

I will avoid the mall (and other places full of shopping crazed people), but if I find myself back in the same situation, I will remember those two angels at Marketplace today. And I will be patient and kind...and patient.

And you must, too.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that before I left I had to go back and eat crow at Ann Taylor. I had $37 of store credit, with no intentions of visiting the mall in the near future, so I wanted to be done with it. First of all, Ann Taylor's clothes are heinous, and secondly, they cost a small fortune. I scrounged up two t-shirty things and found out at the register that I still had $7 dollars to spend. Without thinking, I told the sales clerk that I'd quickly find something else to buy because "I will not be stepping foot back in this store".

I guess you can't go cold turkey on bitch.

A New Tradition

2008-12-07T20:36:00.017-05:00

Last year my friend, Beth, and I arranged a craft night in lieu of exchanging gifts. She contributed these giant wooden Christmas trees that she'd scarfed up from the Michael's 90% off Christmas sale the year before, which the six kids painted and decorated. My contributions were six Haunted Gingerbread Houses that I snagged after Halloween at Aldi's ($2 each! How could I not?). I just bought a couple of pounds of Christmas candy and we were in business! It was a great evening and made Beth and I feel so much better about not spoiling the kids.

Trouble is (or was) that Maggie, Libby and Jack assumed that we had started a new Christmas tradition. A tradition of rushing to Aldi's after Halloween to grab the clearance gingerbread kits. A tradition of spending a small fortune on candy and a powdered sugar/super glue concoction. A tradition of 14 (no lie!) tubes of hot glue to hold the structure together and about 30 minutes of table and floor clean up time once we were done.

But it was so worth it! We had such a fun night. They were a joy to watch.They each focused on their own house and asked for help only when they needed it. And they tolerated my interventions when I couldn't keep my mouth shut or my hands to myself. They were EVER so proud to pose with their masterpieces when the last candy cane was slathered in place.So, yes. I guess we do have a new family tradition. Some day it will be fun to look back on the progression of their imagination, patience and willingness to NOT eat the candy!
God help me if Aldi's stops selling Haunted Houses!

PS. It was 15 degrees today. Libby dressed herself.

Blech

2008-12-04T20:03:00.005-05:00

I'm cranky.

Being sick sucks. I got myself a raging case of strep throat on Monday, followed quickly by a wicked cold. Spent most of Tuesday in bed, felt slightly better yesterday, but got another kick in the pants today with relentless sneezing and nose dripping. I'm a hot mess.

But...I'm also a trooper and I ventured out this morning to get my hair highlighted. My hair dresser is pleasant and easy to talk to, and she tolerated my sneezing and snot fountain without comment. And since I'm not particularly picky, and hair is just hair, I don't ever tell her when I'm not 100% happy. Last time she over highlighted my hair...I looked like a beach blond, and over time my roots looked horrendous. This time it's not light enough. But...I like it, it will grow in nicely over the winter and it improved my mood significantly.

Worked for the rest of day the with moderate success, and called it quits at 4pm. Sweet Mother, where the fuck I am going with all this? I can't quite complete a thought. Mmmm, let's see. We rushed through a hastily prepared dinner so as to get the girls to Brownies on time. Tore out the door, pulled right up to the door at school, raced up the to...an empty cafeteria. Fucking Brownies. Wrong week.

So I blew my diet and stopped to buy some Cherry Panda Paws Ice Cream. Ah. So nice.

And that's it. No, no it isn't. Steve can't find his wallet. Hasn't seen it since Tuesday. You can see why this might be a problem. His accounts haven't been touched, so we're not freaking yet, but will cancel his cards tomorrow if we don't hear back from the church gym where Jack had practice on Tuesday.

Tomorrow is another day.

It speaks to Maggie

2008-12-03T20:30:00.003-05:00

So I was putting laundry away (if you've read from the beginning, you know that putting laundry away sucks the very life out of me) and Libby's was first. I put her things away, leaving a pair of pajamas on her bed for her to put on. On my way to Maggie's room, where I planned to repeat the process, I yelled down the stairs to Libby to come up and get changed.

This is the conversation that followed.

Me: "Libby, come up to your room and put your pajamas on."

Libby: "What about Maggie? Why doesn't she have to put her pajamas on yet?"

Me: "Uh. Ok. Maggie come upstairs and put your pajamas on."

Maggie: "WHAT?"

Maggie: "What do you need, Mommy?"

Me: "I need you to come upstairs and put your pajamas on."

Maggie: "JACK! MOMMY WANTS YOU TO PUT YOUR PAJAMAS ON!"

And that, my friends, is Maggie in a nutshell.

Three Years

2008-11-21T11:21:00.001-05:00

So suddenly. So unexpectedly.

So missed.

We love you, Gramma.

Post Parental Visit

2008-11-17T09:06:00.009-05:00

Ah yes. We are alive and well. Just watching the sky fill with big, fat snowflakes as I type. The kids just left for school, Steve is in the woods and I am in my sweatpants. Live is good.

Not much to report (or little time to report). Mom and Dad's visit came and went with a flash. As always, it was a happy visit...with little to do, but enjoy the company (and eat and drink and eat some more). The kids love having them here and it's always a bit of an adjustment when they leave (and I have to go back to folding my own laundry!). We are looking forward to the day when going home means they drive a couple of blocks instead of boarding a plane! Anyway, we did a very shabby job taking pictures while they were here, but this is a nice one of Mom and Dad with the kids.
Halloween quickly followed their departure and we sent two little witches and a hunter off the forage for candy. Our night started out at a friend's house with adult beverages aplenty and games to keep the kids from interrupting the overindulgence. Not surprisingly, my kids did very well at the donut eating contest."What are you lookin' at? Don't make me track you down."

"Eh, you seen my donut?"

"Gulp. I WIN!"

Let's see. After Halloween the girls had their official Brownie induction ceremony...a combination of so freaking adorable and batshit crazy corny. It was very official (I thought maybe they were being awarded the Purple Heart) and they were so proud...but it was hard to keep a straight face. They have earned six badges already (which means I have still have twelve badges to sew before Thursday) and are really enjoying their meetings.

Jack is playing basketball in the Catholic Youth Organization league. He practices up to twice a week and has weekly games through March. His height makes basketball a good fit for him and makes up for his lack of aggression. It's been a lot of fun watching him gain confidence and see the awkwardness give way to more natural athletic ability. And let's face it, with three kids to educate, we're grooming a scholarship here! I'll take pictures at his game this week and will post them soon.

And I think that's it. In the time it's taken to type this post, the snow has completely covered the grass (for the first time this season). And now I have a second cup of coffee to drink and a bed to warm back up!

Letter From Swaziland

2008-11-11T09:42:00.003-05:00

Hello All from a wet and cold Swaziland!
Nice rain! Now for the normal farmer's complaint - we have just started harvesting the last of the sugar cane and the tractors are mucking up the field and the road. The rain is very welcome, but just not on that field!
Attached are pics of our holiday with Em and Mark. We had such a happy time with them! And there is always an added little something, like you can't just play boulle, but you have to wear funny hats. Anything for a laugh! We went to a fantastic restaurant called the Goat Shed, and you can see the goats tower in the background of one pic. You can also see just what a happy time we had.
I have had to work quite hard at work this week (funny thing that - working at work!) because I have had to learn a lot for the meeting I am going on tomorrow to Windhoek. I have a sore tummy. Mick (my young boss) is meeting me early tomorrow and he flies with me all the way to Windhoek, but then he carries on to Walvis Bay for a different meeting. I feel better about not travelling on my own - have a better chance of meeting someone on the plane going to the same meeting and Mick can introduce us and I will not feel like a raspberry. I have such a sore tummy... It is a hunting forum, and although we don't hunt in our parks, Ted wants us to be represented there (we always are, by Mick), and it is essentially about lions. As I run the CITES office, I will learn more because that is also coming under discussion. Will be back home on Friday night. My tum does hurt so. Joe will pick me up and drive me home. I am sure it will be fun, and that I will enjoy myself, and the meeting part I can cope with quite easily, but the thought of walking into the dining room and not knowing anyone to sit with is what I think is hurting my tummy. All will be well once I am there. Anticipation is not always a pleasurable thing!
And that brings me to another little problem. Little... Well, we have had a truck coming to the filling station pulling a little tank and filling up with fuel - about R14 000 at a time. Wigs was a bit concerned because of the amount, and it was on credit card, so he phoned the bank and was told that the card was fine and clear, and that he could relax. Well, three weeks later, another filling station phoned to say that they had been told by their bank that the card was a fraud, and the bank wanted their money back. We have now discovered that this has happened to several other stations, and the cards have been cloned, therefore they don't come up as hot cards until the company who owns the number discovers that they have spent a small fortune on petrol. Our friends have been taken for over R200 000 and us for R140 000. Wigs has moved our money to another account so the bank can't just access it back, but it seems that what they then do is just put you into overdraught! There is a huge fight in the offing, because we now feel that we can't trust any card except those with a chip, and there are not many of them around. Wigs is arguing that after checking the card, and all the transactions going through, it is not our responsibility, but should be the bank's and the owner of the card's, and they must find the culprits. How can we run any sort of business if we cannot trust the cards and the banks? But all will be fine - I don't mean for you to worry! It's not all black!
My emails are so full of negatives these past few weeks - I'm sorry! On the positive, my garden is so pleased with the rain! My seedlings are running a little late and will only be ready at the end of the month, and the ones in the garden have done their stuff. Today's maximum is 16 and I am pleased!
Christmas shopping coming up...Is that another negative? Hope not! My boss has suddenly woken up to the fact that he can buy his presents over the internet through his secretary. I spent a blissful moring browsing the book sites, printing out ones I thought he would be interested in and will do the ordering when I get back.

Love, love, love... you all!
Winks/Kath/Mummy Darling, Young and Beautiful!

Happy Birthday Brighid!

2008-10-30T09:24:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday! We all hope it's the best yet! We love you!

Trouble In Paradise. Please Pray.

2008-10-29T08:57:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure how to begin this post, so I'll just jump right in. I have suspected that something wasn't quite right with Dad since they landed. He's had moments of spaciness...somewhat glassy eyed and behaved suspiciously at times. There have been bouts of sniffiness and an altered, almost nasally, voice. Since it's clear my siblings have ignored these puzzling symptoms, I decided to do some investigating myself.

And my findings are not pretty.

It's pot. And it's big. And I caught him in the act.

Here he is, doing pot. At my kitchen table. From my best soup pot. He says he's inhaling "Vicks Vapors". Something about severe allergies and a blocked nose. Sure, Dad. That's steam above your head. Yeah, I get it. He even tried to blame me for boiling the water too long and scalding his delicate skin. The nerve!
And to make matters worse, he has an accomplice...an enabler. See her in the background, taking pictures? Looks like she trying to document what must have been a pretty good batch.

Makes me sick.

So, please pray for him and his unseemly habit.

And while you're at it, please say a quick prayer for another upcoming biopsy. He received a call from his oncologist a couple of days ago with the results of his last PETscan. The glowing that was previously seen and biopsied in late June/July is still there, possibly a little bigger and perhaps a little more intense. As you know, the results of that biopsy were negative for cancer cells, so we expect the same again, but his docs want a deeper investigation to be sure. So, oncology appointment on 11/5 and surgical consult on 11/18. Please keep them both in your thoughts.

Even if they're potheads.

In Brief

2008-10-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

We're here...we're here! A week ago today we picked Mom and Dad up from the airport in Buffalo, and we've had 7 solid days of run-and-relax since then. The kids have had activities each evening, and the weekend was filled with the errands that keep life running smoothly. So today has been the first opportunity to stay in sweat pants and post something (anything!) to the blog.

We are having a great time together. The 'rents look great and don't seem to mind what must be a giant leap from the quiet of their apartment into the chaos of my house. If meals around my kitchen table hasn't scrambled their brains yet, I don't think anything will! There is no shortage of noise and mischief around these parts and I think they, too, have come to appreciate BEDTIME!

The weather has been iffy all week, so we've not had a chance to take many pictures (and Mom doesn't want any pictures taken of her until she gets her hair cut tomorrow...and I don't want any pictures taken of me until I get liposuction, which leaves Steve and Dad...pictures of them to follow shortly), but we did get a few of the kids carving their pumpkins yesterday.

Pumpkin carving is messy business, but as they get older they are able to do much of it on their own. Libby was determined to it ALL by herself, and Maggie was equally determined to have ME do it all by myself! And Jack was going for the speed record...carve, carve, scoop, scoop, light the candle. Done.

As you can see from this picture, the leaves are just gorgeous right now. The change of color is probably slightly passed peak, but the last of the maples look like they're on fire. Today is so sunny and crisp, and we will be sure to get out for some pictures again (and who knows...perhaps we'll have TWO posts in one week!).

Stay tuned!

Oh, the envy.... by Em

2008-10-27T10:05:00.014-04:00

So, who wants to know more about our fantastic holiday in Mozambique?? Okay, okay, don't all shout at once.

In short it was FANTASTIC! I'll start from the beginning so I don't miss out anything. Uh oh, this could be a long one. Make yourself a cup of tea and settle in.

And we're off!

We arrived in Swazi full of unspent giggles, ready for a glorious two weeks. However, the giggles quickly disappeared when we found that NOT ONE of our bags made it to Swaziland. Oh joy. And there was a queue of people who were trying to locate their luggage from a week ago. A week! Bloody marvellous. Luckily I'm married to 'Mr Charming and Fantastic' (self proclaimed) and he managed to track down some poor baggage handler's number at Johannesburg International Airport who literally turned around his little baggage handler's cart and went searching for our bags. Two day's later and in the nick of time they arrived. Whew!

This was nearly the last we saw of our precious cargo. Oh, and let me introduce you to Suzie, the Isuzu. She was our holiday mascot. That's the minature car, 'nana. The blonde on the left is me, the one on the right is Lianne.

Mum and Dad were super generous and lent us the Isuzu (big Suzie - see the connection?) for our travels along with fishing rods, big plastic boxes to pack all the food in, beach blankets, first aid kits and even a frozen lamb stew! Honestly, that woman is magic. A magic piece of loveliness.

Okay, back to the trip: first stop, Tofu, which was about an 8 hour drive. We stayed on the beach front in a newly constructed A-frame reed cabana with a sea view and a generous verandah which was perfect for soaking up some sun without being battered by the sand. I've been to Tofu before and it's got quite a lot more commercial than I remember. The fish are quite pricey if you don't do some serious negotiating, but the fact is you're buying fish right out of the boat, so it doesn't get much fresher than that. And we ate like kings! Crayfish, prawns, fresh fish - delish. And, of course, we didn't have to clean any of them thanks to the wonderful services of our (first) houseboy, Marco. The days were uber-leisurely. We woke up late, poured our first G&T at lunch, swam, fished (albeit unsuccessfully) and emulated old French men by spending hours playing Boulle on the beach.

One of the lovely idiosyncracies of this place was the shower with a built-in radio so we could listen to Portuguese FM while we soaped up. Especially funny in a house made of reeds with barely any hot water!

The local beer, 2M, was a firm favourite. See Suzie on Chris' glass.

Next stop, Vilancoulos. The road was great fun - driving was just like playing a Nintendo game where you had to dart left and right across the screen just to survive and reach the next level. In this case, if you didn't do some serious dodging you'd be swallowed whole by the potholes on the 'road'. Once we finally got there we were absolutely blown away by our accommodation, which far surpassed our expectations. Lap. Of. Luxury. Huge 4 bedroom-4 bathroom house with a massive kitchen and sprawling verandah overlooking the turquois ocean. With a plunge pool. Ridiculous.

AND to add to the ridiculousness we had a dedicated houseboy, Bernado, who absolutely loved trying to do everything under the sun for us. He'd greet us upon our return from ANYWHERE (even popping out for lunch) with chilled facecloths on a tray adorned with flowers. Oh yes, you read that right. Flowers. And scented facecloths. He was brilliant - with a smile that shone from the inside out. In fact, he was helped out by another houseboy, Gildo. Yup, two people who wanted to make us happy. Oh, how I miss them.

Meet Bernado and Gildo. The kings of all houseboys. And look how sweetly they hold hands.

Off the coast of Vilancoulos are 4 islands, most of which are untouched. Paradise. We did a spot of island hopping where we braaied our prawns on the beach, snorkelled a bit and had long walks on the beach. Chris and Li managed to squeeze in a few dives too. Honestly, four days of heaven.

Last stop, Bilene. Only about a million miles from Vilancoulos, but moving in the general direction of Swaziland, so technically heading back home. Bilene is a small town/village on a lagoon about 3 hours from Maputo. The 'sea' is therefore pretty flat and the beach is white sand, so it's gorgeous but lacks the drama that comes with the ocean. We stayed in a Cape Cod style house right on the beach, but the weather turned here and one day was too windy to get onto the beach followed by another day that was overcast and yucky for most of it, only clearing up later. So here's where we played one boardgame after another culminating in an 'Olympics' which was made up of Bat and Ball, Boulle, Connect 4, Speed Scrabble, Hats (throw cards into a hat about 5 metres away), 30 Seconds and Pictionary. Only problem is that Chris and I were teamed up against Mark and Li-Li and Chris is training for the Cape Odyssey (a 5 day race where you run a full marathon each day), so he's super fit. He also thinks he can handle his alcohol. We lost the first 3 games and had to drink as forfeits. In short, Chris was a mess after 4 beers. Lightweight.

And with that it was back to Swaziland, a quick pop in with Mum and Dad and the flight back to Cape Town. I can't believe it's all over. Or that it was a month ago. Sorry about the late post.

Anyone want to come and visit us now?

Lianne

3rd Race at The Honeymoon Is Over Downs

2008-10-17T21:11:00.001-04:00

OMG...this is so funny! I've watched it at least 5 times and laughed til I cried each time! Not for the uptight...plenty-o-foul language.

Wilson and Other Stuff by Bird

2008-10-12T19:35:00.008-04:00

I’ve been meaning to blog for a long time now. However our lives have been consumed (more than usual) by work, specifically because of the elections. And the closer we get, the more desperate our customers get. Everything is backordered, creating a panic amongst the campaigners and vendors who have just 3 weeks left to get their point across on a button. Our sales to both sides are fast and furious. And I don’t need to look at an electoral map to see what the battleground states are. Between Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Mexico and Florida we’re keeping plenty busy! When it comes to making money, we are bi-partisan. I will note however, the “Red State” people (McCain-ers for non-us) are a hell of a lot nastier to deal with than the Blue Staters. They are just plain mean and rude. Manners people!!
Sometimes I want to ask them what Baby Jesus would think if he could hear them now….
We’re so busy we finally came to our senses and hired a young man to work part time. He’s supposed to be learning how to ship product by now, but we’re running out of stock faster than we can count it, so he spends his days over a counting scale while I spend my days in the shipping room. To give you an idea of a typical delivery we get from the factory – here’s one we got this Friday. 58 boxes, 2500 pounds of steel - note the box inspector….

Speaking of Wilson. This weekend we took him on a field trip to Dallas Heritage Park, just south of downtown. It’s this beautiful 13 acre park in the middle of the hood that features “old timey” life with houses, banks, general stores, settlement that depict life from the 1800’s to the early 1900’s. Kind of like a super mini Colonial Williamsburg. We packed all the essentials (water, dog treats, portable water bowl, poop bags, extra leash) and made the great trek. Wilson couldn’t have had more fun. He saw his first chicken, first cow, first sheep and first donkeys. He was most impressed with the chickens and I had to fish more than one giant rooster feather out of the back of his throat, much to his disgust. The donkeys, they just scared the crap out of him. They were very curious about him, he much the same at first. Until they came nose to nose, then Wilson didn’t think it was so cute. One snort from the donkey that blew his ears back, covered his face with donkey snot and he was tail down, whining and trying to melt into my chest. I just can’t picture this dog hunting badgers….. A good time was had by all, despite the donkey assault.

Chickens! I smell Chickens! I see Chickens! What the hell is a Chicken?!?

How you doin?!

Seconds before the Donkey Snot Assault.

Once the elections are through we are off for a 3 day retreat from the real world. We’ve rented a house out in East Texas, in the middle of a pine forest right on Lake of the Pines. All we need to bring is food. 3 days with no phones, no computers and no cable TV. Just long walks with Wilson, fishing off the dock, reading, eating, sleeping and recovering. Here’s a pic of the cottage we’re staying at:

That ends my blog for now. Happy Halloween!

PS - 17 days til my birthday, 22 days til elections, 73 days til Christmas and 99 days til Bush is out of office - Hallelujah!!

Here

2008-09-29T09:23:00.009-04:00

Time to catch up. Where to start...

With the kids, of course.

All three have settled down very nicely in their respective classes. Jack, who dreaded it the most, has been pleasantly surprised with lots of nice kids in his class. The was something funky about last year's group...all good kids, but very segmented...Jack included. The pokemon card players stuck together, the sporty kids only played with each other, etc...very strange for third grade. But this class is much more inclusive (maybe it's the teacher?). He is doing very well academically, so we've added a new activity to the mix. He'll be playing basketball this winter, with one practice day a week and one game day a week. He attended an evaluation on Saturday...and didn't suck!! In fact, he was one of the better players! Do I smell a scholarship? He's playing with a good friend and we're all looking forward to watching them play.

Our school district just completed the Fun Run for 4th graders, a one mile run around a local pond. There were no winners...everyone's a winner, dontcha know...but it was all very official. It was sponsored by a local company that provides the timing devices for international races, so all the kids were provided a number for their shirts and a computerized ankle band that recorded their running time. Over 600 kids ran (in 4 groups...like flocks of birds)...it was so cool to watch (and I cried...I know, I'm a loser). Anyway, here's my big kid after the race...tired and sweaty.

The girls have adjusted to a full day of school (as opposed to the half day last year). Libby needs a little time to decompress when she gets home...tends to be a little short tempered when she gets off the bus. I suspect she's very intense when she's at school. She is competitive and very driven...and my guess is she's 100% engaged in the classroom and totally focused. By the time she gets home she's exhausted and needs to figure out how to switch gears. Fortunately she loves school, does very well and can't wait to go everyday. She has now lost FIVE teeth...the last being a top front one...a regular haas beck (feel free to correct spelling). She is hoarding her tooth fairy money (I think I've mentioned before that the tooth fairy brings $5 per tooth...can you imagine? It's a wonder we aren't all wearing dentures). Here she is...showing off the gap tooth grin for Gramma and Grampa. Cute, eh?
The girls are also getting involved in activities outside of school. They started gymnastics last week...and loved it! Libby has some natural talent...and the same drive and focus that she demonstrates in the classroom. She is very eager to learn, pays attention and was able to keep up with little girls who've been at this a lot longer. Every once in a while she'd glance my way and give me a little smile...but then it's right back to business. Maggie on the other hand, totally lives in the moment...tried everything because it looked like fun, with little or no regard for her performance. I could hear her yelling "Mommmmmy" from across the gym, waving furiously to me and pointing at whatever piece of equipment she was about to mutilate. I'm not sure that I have any Olympians out there on the mat, but they are having fun and that's enough for me.

In addition to gymnastics, we've also joined Girl Scouts. I assure you that this was nothing I encouraged. In fact, quite the opposite! And for good reason. The first meeting was filled with cookie marketing techniques. They divided into teams of three and did a role playing exercise, each taking turns to be the Girl Scout, the cookie buyer...and the door. I kid you not. When that mercifully came to an end, they got to have a cookie snack. Not to enjoy the cookies, mind you, but to taste test them in order to answer customer questions. Yes. Really.

By the time we left, Libby was filled with Girl Scout spirit...can't wait to hit the ground running and sell a million boxes (stay by the phone...we'll be calling). Maggie, on the other hand, was just plain pissed off. It was boring, she said. And I have to agree.

Maggie, as I may have mentioned before, has a tendency to whine. She quickly reverts to whining whenever things aren't going her way, and can be a giant pain in the ass. But, I'm learning that she is a remarkably happy little thing. She is almost always smiling, always ready to play anything you want, and laughs easily and freely. I had lunch with her and Libby at school, and I was struck by how different they both are. Maggie sat at a table with her little friends, smiling, talking...totally focused on the social aspect of the cafeteria. I had to remind her over and over again to eat her lunch (I wonder what she does when I'm not there...how much of her lunch does she throw away?). I split my time between the two of them, so I could see them each from a distance. Libby was studiously eating her nuggets, talking only when necessary and only when she was done. She, too, was surrounded by friends, and when the food was gone, she was totally engaged, having fun and obviously well liked.

If I haven't said it lately, having twins (and a big kid) is amazing. I'm am so damn lucky.

Back to Maggie. She has yet to lose a tooth. Poor little thing is ready to knock a few teeth out, just so she can put some money in her piggy bank. She does have a very loose bottom tooth, with the adult tooth half way out already (we call it her shark tooth)...so I should make sure I have some cash around in the next couple of weeks for the, eh, bill. Here she is...with a mouth full of toofers.
So that leaves the Mister and I. Same old, same old. Goose hunting has ended and bow season for whitetail is only a couple of weeks away, so he'll be spending much of his free time in the woods. Which is fine. At least when he's in the woods, we can't bicker about politics (fucking McCain).

Work is fine with me. A bit of a roller coaster, but at this stage I need to be grateful that I have a job! I'm counting down the days until Mom and Dad visit (October 21st), and starting my ritual list making and menu planning.

And that's it. I think we're all on the same page again.

Tale of Two Brains

2008-09-24T09:16:00.001-04:00

Mystery solved. Hallelujah!

Hot Air ... and where to find it.

2008-09-21T12:55:00.007-04:00

Every year, on or near the autumnal equinox, the City of Plano has its Balloon festival. A combination of ballooning meet and local fair, it is a kaleidoscope of color, ethnicities, volunteers, and gastronomic indulgences. It is preceded by intense volunteer committee work, manned by good citizens devoted to frenetic planning and grand spectacle, supported by a city management accustomed to a lower level of dedication to same.

This time of year is best for ballooning. The winds of spring and summer have given way to the light airs of early autumn, and are most suitable for balloon flight. This is, I’m told, that to keep ballooning safe, you really want to stay away from windy days. Getting the huge envelope filled with hot air is impossible to do when you have to brace yourself to windward, and the birds fly backwards. Should one actually achieve flight, your support team has to cross counties and states to recover your, and the balloon’s, remains. Baskets recovered from rough landings – misshapen, crushed, shredded, or vestigial - have been known to have the distinctive tang of unbridled fear. Rain as with most sports, is also not considered good for a balloon meet.

Unlike in the past few years, this morning must have been near perfect and even we tyros knew that the dawn patrol would fly. To be sure it did, and we had a grandstand view of the colorful bags taking to the air. Our complex is next door to the fields from which they leave.
The long(er)distance fliers left first, leaving the field for those that sell “balloon rides”.

The latter take trippers for a short round trip for a couple of hundred dollars. They stay close to the ground and somehow making use of local low level air currents to take off and land again in a few minutes and the same city.

I could see who was who in the command module – the white knuckles on the wicker basket rim as the balloon scraped the roof tops were a dead give away. The elephantine flatus of the gas-burner told of the equanimity of the others.

Daisy

Sunny side up daisy.

Meanwhile, on the ground and outside the grounds, the city’s only contribution, traffic management, was woeful and inept. At 0900, when all the good little Southern Baptists were still singing “All things bright and Bushieful”, and the streets were just a tad over empty, the first imprecations and curses, were clearly audible. The city, taking the line of least effort, simply closed off major streets without due notification to residents, and failed to position any (let alone clear) detour signposts. The shortcomings of its Finest in basic traffic management, promise to add excitement to the day’s events.

Um ... well, y'see, it was like this ...

2008-09-17T14:11:00.004-04:00

I committed to write two paragraphs; at least two, I promised. So bright and early I fired up Old Betsy, my PC, and contemplated its unblinking screen full of hope. After a few minutes (well, ten or thirty or so) I suddenly remembered an errand I had to run, and that my dohgs (English dogs) needed to be drained. Then there were the groceries, of course. So close to noon, um ... one really, I again sat myself down to write. The screen still did not blink, nor had it done so, not even once in the intervening time. Inspiration likewise did not emit a solitary spark.

So I checked my spam, once more drained the dohgs, and found a number of urgent insignificant chores that needed doing. In between each, I visited Betsy, and her malevolent stares. Still nothing. In the background the radio kept me updated on the key events around the world. The planet, it seems, has suspended any existence except Indecision 2008.

Lunch (a radish salad, some wieners, and fresh strawberries) failed to encourage a single electron to cross its synapse.

Despite my ministrations the flat looks lived-in, the odd-jobs endless, the dohgs capable of unlimited ordure - and the blogger blank.

So I probably won't come up with a credible excuse to Mart either. Oh well, maybe a nap, eh?

Move over dohgs.

First Day

2008-09-09T19:09:00.006-04:00

In lieu of stringing words together to form actual sentences, which may or may not represent complete thoughts, I thought I'd just show off a few pictures of the fruits of my labors.

Taken hastily on the first day of school, with less than cooperate models and a shitty photographer, it is still, nonetheless, amazing to me.

Three kids. One school.

Almost seven hours of silence.

First, my big kid. He gave me the most grief about the first day of school. Somewhere along the line he caught wind of the fact that this was a short summer vacation. A full week short. So he begged me to do what the school district refused to do...extend his vacation. He has since settled in nicely with his fourth grade class. While he does not have any close friends with him this year, he seems to fit in with the boys in his class and I'm hearing the names of new friends daily. Phew!

My Maggie May. My sweet little thing. She hardly said a word all morning on the first day. I asked her if she was nervous and she bravely told me no, she was excited. She squeezed me the hardest as the bus rounded the corner, but never looked back. Of the three, she is the most eager to share her day with me...tells me all about who got in trouble and who she sat with at lunch. She is proving to me every day that I had nothing to worry about. She's just fine. She's a big girl now.

Libby. Libby, Libby, Libby. She talked almost non-stop from the moment her eyes opened. She was dressed, her teeth were brushed and she was examining the contents of her backpack (again) before my feet even touched the carpet. Not once did she wonder about what first grade was going to be like...she TOLD me what it was going to be like. She has it all figured out, and she doesn't miss a trick. She begged, pleaded and sobbed to get her hair cut yesterday, and after I finally gave in and took her, she admitted that she just wanted her name on the "Hair Cut" chart. She is something else!

This last one was taken only moments before the bus arrived...and then they all disappeared. There were no tears...from them or me, but I'll admit that they didn't leave my mind for a second and I counted the minutes until they got off the bus. I needed to know that they were okay, that they had survived the day without me and that they felt comfortable in their classrooms.

It was a long, hard day for me.

BUT...you'll be happy to know that my new favorite time of day is 8:39am, Monday to Friday.

Buh-bye! See you in seven hours!

Em on the brink of basking like a beached whale

2008-09-05T09:19:00.004-04:00

I am officially an excited little chicken, soon to morph into a beached whale. Tomorrow Mark and I are teaming up with another party-'til-you-drop couple, Chris and Lianne, and heading off for two weeks of blissful beach.

We kick off our trip tomorrow morning and fly through to Swaziland where we'll stay with Mum and Dad for a couple of days. The Parents have been as generous as only parents can be and they're lending us their double-cab bakkie (pick up truck, for those who've been out of S.A for eons) packed to the hilt with fishing rods, snorkelling gear, beach bats, 30 seconds and plenty of vino - oh, and food - for our epic roadtrip through Mozambique. Well, maybe 'epic' is a bit strong - more of a 3-stop journey along the coast.

As a family we've holidayed in Mozambique hundreds of times as it's so accessible from Swaziland and I just can't get tired of it. So, I thought I'd share a quick list of why.

Things I love about Mozambique:
1. Sun. Actually, at this point I'd love anywhere that had some sun. Cape Town has been pummelled by one cold front after another for the last 3 months and I'm officially sick of rain and cold. Weather forecast in Cape Town for the next few days: another cold front hits - rain predicted with a maximum temperature of 18 degrees (which is pretty chilly when you don't have any indoor heating). Weather forecast for Mozambique for the next few days: Cloudless sky, sunny and bright. 32 degrees.

Hallelujah.

2. 2M. This is Dois M (have no idea how to spell it - what's Portuguese for two?) which is the local beer. Don't you find that holiday beer just tastes so much better on holiday? Crack open a bottle when you get home and it's just average.

3. Fresh seafood. You buy this off the beach. Doesn't get fresher than that. And then you have the added bonus of asking your house boy to gut and fillet it (part of his job, not exploitation!). It's tough in Africa.

4. Portuguese. It's pretty cool when you travel but a hop, skip and a jump and land in a country where very little English is spoken. Makes me feel a million miles away. Plus it's fun communicating via impromptu sign language.

5. Sleeping late.

Things I'm not all that fond of, but will try not to think about:

1. The helicopter-sized mosquitos that mercilessly bury their oil-drill sized probiscis into your neck, vampire-like and drain the life blood out of you. Plan of action: gin - they don't like that. Sorted. With a slice of lemon.

2. Airing my pasty, untoned winter bod. I think that says enough.

3. The dodgy 'police'. The number of times we've been stopped by men in make-shift uniforms claiming that we've exceeded the speed limit demanding to see our drivers licence and pay an exhorbetant fine: plenty. The number of times we've actually passed over our drivers licence thinking they were legitimate and had to bribe them to return the precious document: once.

And that's enough of the negatives. At this point even the negatives seem like positives. I'm so excited! Time to go and get the last minute bits and pieces, then pick the in-laws up from the airport. They're just staying a couple of days.

Will post some pics when I get back. Have a lovely couple of weeks!

In Memoriam.

2008-08-31T14:41:00.003-04:00

On Friday morning, the twenty-ninth of August, 2008, in one of the serenely beautiful valleys around Robertson in South Africa, our beloved friend, Mercia Stowe, nee Nel, died at the hands of a drunk driver.

Her sudden passing has left Bob, her husband of forty-four years, devastated. Mercia’s daughter Leslie and sons Frederick and Thomas are bereft. As wife and mother she gave her all and her best. We, her friends and admirers around the world, are deeply heart-sore because she treated us all as if we were her family.

We loved her for her enthusiasm and her kindness, her energetic pursuit of good and right, her love of family and friends. A Viking at heart, she inspired all those who came into her ambit to do a little more, and a little better, for the good of mankind.

Mercia, may your voyage to Spirit be on smooth seas, and with the wind in your back.

Em, Dad or Brighid....Insert Post Here (anyone? anyone?)

2008-08-28T23:41:00.006-04:00

Good Lord, people. I am so busy right now. Work is very stressful and taking a lot out of me. My kids start school next week and I'm feeling like a heel that their last week of summer has been so lame. Poor things. They'll be so ready to go back...thanks, Mommy.

Besides phone whoring...

It's 11:42pm and I just finished a couple of projects to compliment the girls' newly painted bedrooms (yes, that's right...3 rooms in a week...it's time for some before and afters!). I'm talking canvas, many tubes of paint, polka dots and wooden letters, folks! I am such a Martha Stewart rookie...but I've had fun.

Except for the part where I ripped off my big toe nail moving Libby's bed. That wasn't fun. It hurt like hell and I used lots of inappropriate words...loudly. I should take pictures of my feet now. It's disgusting. No one would notice my freakishly short toes.

Anyway, just ran across my new mantra...truly (only moments ago). These will be the words I live by...

"Is this the mountain you want to die on?"

Without getting all profound and shit, I really do think this is the way to live. Don't sweat the small stuff, choose your battles...and pay attention to the important things.

Amen!

Briefly

2008-08-24T21:52:00.003-04:00

Another busy week under my belt. Here are the highlights:

* Found out very unceremoniously that I'd be put on a new project at work. One that sucks monkey balls. One that woke me in a cold sweat more than once. Sigh. I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up (besides independently wealthy).

* Jack fractured his second metacarpel bone in his left hand. He was playing with a group of kids from the neighborhood and took the full weight of a much bigger girl on his hand. We iced it over night, but decided the following day that the swelling looked a little too distinct and needed to be x-rayed. The fracture didn't require setting and he's to wear a brace on his wrist for a couple of weeks. He's got some interesting bruising to show off when he goes back to school.

* Hosted Maggie and Libby's birthday party at Build-A-Bear Workshop, with 12 little imps in attendance. For those who aren't familiar, kids can choose an animal, stuff it and dress it in clothes more expensive than the ones I was wearing. Well, that is if you go to a rich kid's party. Mine got to choose a $10 or $12 animal...and took it home naked. Maybe when I'm independently wealthy they can get some underwear.

* I watched the Olympics...a lot. Much of it was aired when I should have been sleeping (or having nightmares about work). I'm typing with one eye on the closing ceremonies right now.

* We had our bedroom painted. The sea foam green is a distant memory. Pics to follow.

I think that's it. Too tired to type...

A Truer Video Never Filmed

2008-08-19T15:39:00.001-04:00

Oh, I can't stand it. Funny, funny stuff. Stole it from another blog, but don't mind taking a little credit for the giggle!

They're SIX!

2008-08-16T21:26:00.007-04:00

Oh, I'm such a sloppy mess. Not because it's the eve of my babies' sixth birthday, but because in preparation for this post I've spent the better part of an hour looking at my photo albums. I have an overwhelming need to post EVERY SINGLE picture I have of each of the three of them, because...(OH. MY. GOD)...they are so cute.

And because I've already forgotten so much.

I am actually someone who really does try to live in the moment, to sear the memory of the "now" into my brain. I can't tell you how many times in the past 9 years I've deliberately slowed myself, looked around, soaked in the details to make sure I never forget.

But I do. I have.

Chubby babies. Sucked thumbs and pacifiers. Chunky diaper butts. Soft curls and wispy blond hair.

All the firsts. First steps, first words, first nights in the big boy/big girl beds. First days of school. Just too many to count, and certainly too many to articulate.

Where did it all go? What happened to my babies?

Thank God I take tons of pictures. Their little lives have been so carefully chronicled in meticulous photo albums, and while it's sometimes been a burden to maintain them, I'm so glad I did.

So, to celebrate the sixth birthday of my sweet baby girls, I thought I'd share a few from the past 6 years. And you should know that this, my friends, was an exercise in restraint. There are so many great pictures, so many stories to tell and so many memories that may have slipped from my brain, but are so easily recalled, nestled deep in my heart.

This was taken on the morning of Maggie and Libby's birth. I love this picture, not because I look like I'm smuggling beach balls, but because Jack looks he's already been let in on a big secret. I was heading out the door to the hospital. I had no idea how totally changed my life would be.

This was taken moments before we left the hospital to bring those little creatures home. Jack was so sweet, so patient. Not much has changed.

The girls were about 4 or 5 months old in the this picture. Not missing too many meals!

Skipping ahead now...just over two years old here. Hanging out with Jack and his night crawlers.

Early summer 2005. Road trip to Ohio to visit their aunts.

First day of preschool, September 2006. I think this was probably the last time they let me dress them in complimentary outfits!

Early 2007...enjoying the snow.

Margaret Grace, July 2008.

Elizabeth Mary, July 2008

Happy birthday, Maggie and Libby! You are my heart and soul.

PS...Y'all have an open invitation to come and sit on my bedroom floor with me and look at stacks of photo albums. Anytime.

Sibling Rivalry

2008-08-14T19:53:00.010-04:00

Aw...thanks all, for the birthday wishes, etc. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Or is that my Almaden Mountain Burgundy (cheap Merlot)?

Emily said I didn't have to measure tonight.

My day started out smashingly. Libby woke me up with this...my breakfast in bed. A frosted, cherry pop tart, which we shared.

A short while later, Maggie and Jack appeared with this.Scrambled eggs with shredded cheddar cheese with salt and pepper for taste, two slices of white toast, a freshly picked hydrangea from my garden and a tall glass of skim milk with a straw.

Shame. They burst poor Libby's bubble. She was clearly so excited to be the first to wake me up, to share a pop tart in bed and show off her handmade card, carefully folded with shells from Sea Isle City tucked inside. Not to be outdone (Libby will NOT be outdone), she crept up the stairs a few minutes later with this. Two slices of white bread (heavy on the margarine), TWO hydrangeas from my garden and giant glass of my staple beverage, Red Stuff (Fruit Punch Crystal Light) with a straw.

Sibling rivalry is alive and well at my house!

Anyway, I decided not to work today (although I really should have) and spent most of the day with my old neighbors, working on a virus laden computer, drinking pina coladas (really!) and being spoiled. I love my birthday and I LOVE presents!

Mom and Dad sent me an American Express gift card with like a million dollars on it (I've always known I was the favorite) which I plan to use to order the growing collection of pics I have loaded on snapfish.com. Nothing makes me happier than updated photo albums!

Brighid and Keith sent a collection of treasures for the whole family. A book Steve's been coveting, Tinkerbell digital cameras and homemade buttons for the girls and some underwater disposable cameras for Jack (the only one NOT to share a birthday in August). She assembled a collection of her favorite things for me (which was so thoughtful and so, so awesome), one of my favorites being this:"Lincoln Park After Dark" nail polish. Because it makes me way (way!) cooler than my 38 years!

And shut up.

Before you dare to comment, much has already been made of my freakishly stubby toes. I've never actually seen them photographed, so the documentation of my abnormality is a little upsetting.

Yes. Short and fat. I know.

Even Vinnie got presents (his birthday is 8/15...same as my boss...coincidence? I think not.). He got all kinds of crazy ass organic chews from Iceland and the Land Down Under (just kidding...organic,freeze dried, fishy things, etc). Here he is enjoying a dried fish skin under my desk, from his cousin, Wilson.

And Justin (and Tami...but I'll let her off the hook. Her previous comment indicates something MAY be in the mail.) got me nothing. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

I'm going to kick him in the teeth next time I see him.

(and if Mom and Dad post comments claiming my birthday gifts for them were 2+ weeks late, it's just crazy talk).

Trust me.

Happy Birthday Martine!!

2008-08-14T07:10:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful big sister!

With so much love,
Bird xoxo

Introducing Em...

2008-08-13T09:25:00.009-04:00

You have understand that this is my first time. I am a blogging virgin.

I thought I'd introduce myself and 'set the scene'. Even though most of you are family members, the last I saw 'the kids' (Birdshit, Farteen and...Justin, what's your nickname?) was a decade ago. A DECADE! Good Lord.

So, this is going to be short:

What is an intro without photos. As they say, a picture says a thousand words, which is fortunate considering my inexperience with blogging. Here we have my husband, Mark, and myself dancing on our veranda. We have a ball together. Bless his cotton socks (and thinning hair). Am totally smitten.

Okay, that's not exactly fair. Here's a better picture of him and as an added bonus we get the hunky Wright brothers too. Joe (left) has recently been employed by my brother-in-law, which could well turn into an entire entry on its own. Bruce (right) is living with his girlfriend in London.

Back to setting the scene: Welcome to my garden. The two of us live in little slice of paradise. We're on a wine farm in Stellenbosch, a town just outside of Cape Town. The farm is the highest farm on the Helderberg mountains, which faces Cape Town, so the view is fantastic. The mountain range you see in the distance is the side profile of Table Mountain. Lucky, lucky us.

View looking the other way. The big 'bulge' on the left of this range is the mountain that Mark, I-don't-run-for-the-phone, climbed to ask Dad for my hand. Aaaaaaaw.

For Heaven's sake, this takes a helluva lot longer to do than I thought. And I just got a message that said this might not save. What??!! It had better bloody save.

So that was a start. At least you have the setting. Right, it's time to head home. I'm supposed to be walking on the farm with a friend, but it's raining, so I think we'll exercise our right arms with a glass of (unmeasured) wine instead. So, cheers.

Ta da! I've finally managed to Preview this entry. I'm pressing 'Save'. My blog 'flower' has officially been plucked.

Looking forward to more entries now that I know the ropes.

What's in a name?

2008-08-11T14:46:00.005-04:00

It's amazing what your kids think up when you're not around. On the drive down to Jersey, they revealed the nicknames they'd created for each other the day before.

Are you ready?

Jack is Big Cinnamon, Maggie in Son of a Bun and Libby is Big Butt.

Can you stand it? Steve and I just about wet ourselves when they told us. And to their credit, they couldn't have picked a better time to tell us. We were stuck in pre-Philadelphia traffic.

And Libby had just farted on my hand.

Clarification?

Well, we were bumper to bumper just north of Philly, with no relief in...what? Oh, Libby and the fart.

Well, we were bumper to bumper just north of Philly and Maggie had to pee...really, really, really bad. BUT...with no opportunity to find an exit (we wouldn't have anyway...if you blink and miss a sign, you're as good as dead...really). So, since we were crawling along anyway, I decided to let her pee in my empty, disposable coffee cup.

She dropped trou', squatted perfectly and relieved herself in the last drops of my cappuccino. Mind you, I was an integral part of her success. One hand held the cup, while the other hand steadied her itty bitty buns to ensure she didn't accidentally piddle all over me or the van. The tinkle was then transferred to a Gatorade bottle with a tight fitting lid.

Perfect. A little disgusting, but perfect.

Not to be outdone, Libby announces that she, too, had to go really, really, really bad. I knew she didn't. She had consumed less than half of what Maggie had in the previous 45 minutes, and until she saw the coffee cup routine, she mentioned nothing of needing to use the bathroom.

But, proving that someone does NOT have to pee is harder than it sounds, and she threw in a couple of tears for affect. So, we allowed her to unbuckle, get her shorts to her ankles and attempt to make good use of my coffee cup (with my help, of course).

And she strained. And shifted on her feet. And grunted a little.

After about a minute, she snapped her head up and barked, "I really do need to pee, Mommy!" and punctuated that with a juicy, noisy, vibrate-y fart. Right on my hand. That tickled.

Jack and Maggie lost it. It was almost too much for them. Steve and I were too stunned to speak.

I. Still. Have. No. Words.

No one, and I mean no one, cuts the cheese like Big Butt.

A Tease

2008-08-04T12:22:00.005-04:00

We're back! And it was awesome!

Thank you!!

2008-08-01T10:54:00.008-04:00

What an amazing experience ! My email was filled with messages of love and “I’m with you” from all over the world. It is humbling to know how much you all care. Each and everyone of you made a difference, and I hope that you feel the power of your gift to me; may your thoughts reframe your own lives on your journey to your highest expression.

Despite my certainty that nothing evil was lurking on my rib or spine, I do admit to a huge sigh of relief, which was luckily masked by the noisy emotions of my two supervising family members (Butterfly & Bird).

And now for something totally mundane. It is a sort of housekeeping.

I have had an avalanche of requests for a picture of my facial hair. There were at least two at last count, and so let me use Mart’s blog to satisfy, and stem, this flood.

This picture was taken by a most comely photographer whose hand is many projects, this for a little known glamour magazine for the cover of their winter 2023 edition. I was oh-so-lucky to escort this model (in a coral twin set top, provided by JCPenney) to a premier performance of modern and free dance, debuting Ms. Libby and Ms. Maggie. The performance was somewhat biased to free dance, and had tones of the art form modern non-rhyming poetry, and was performed with zest and feeling. The American Dance Theatre is in good hands. Please do not distribute this pic and so decrease its impact on publication. Thank you so much.

Lastly, I am in the process of setting up a personal blog entitled " ... my compass points ..." (so aptly named by this blog's owner). My focus will be ways to save the planet, humanity and civilization. It will be filled with insignificant trivia, and be a guide on how to have your collection of books on awakening your inner magnificence actually work for you.

Which of course brings to mind that all those who can, have reached the Adept level, are dirt poor and on a remote mountain top. Those who cannot, run seminars, write books, and count their money. By the way, don't try to find this erudite blog just yet. It will be up as soon a my self help book gets published.

Love & Light to y'all!

Dad's Biospy Results

2008-07-31T15:29:00.005-04:00

Just got back from the Oncologist with Mom & Dad and the results are in...

NO CANCER CELLS!!!!!!

Thank you God and to everyone who prayed for Dad!

It was almost amusing... There are the 3 of us, squashed into the doctors examination room, making idle small talk (I was busy hiding my pepper spray from Mom) looking like 3 scared turtles when the doctor walks in. One look at us and he knew to spill the beans before he even had the door closed! I've never seen 3 people unpucker as quickly as we did. I'm proud to say the first thing I said was "Lets have a glass of wine!" while Mom and Dad just grinned at each other. The doctor then turned to Mom and said "Happy Birthday"!

Then Mom and Dad rode off into the sunset..

Happy Birthday Mom!

2008-07-31T08:58:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday to my MOMMY!!!

Thanks for being the greatest mom a girl could ask for. I'm so blessed to have you as a mom and as a friend. I love you!

Brighid xoxo

Alaska!!

2008-07-28T21:32:00.012-04:00

Get yourself a glass of wine and a sandwich, cause this is my 15 minutes of fame and I’m taking all of it! Brighid is in the house. Word.

The man and I are just back from Alaska and we’re sad. Sad to be back that is. Despite missing the greatest dog EVER , we were very reluctant to come back. It’s 104 degrees F here (that’s like 50 degrees C or something ) and we were living it up in 60’s during the day and 40’s at night. We really took it easy on this trip and marinated in ourselves in the spa and red wine. In that order. The only things I saw of the ship (which in fairness I have been on before) was our cabin/balcony, the Spa and the restaurant. Our ship left from Seattle and we were lucky enough to fly in one day early to explore the city. Did I say fly? Oh yes, I meant FIRST CLASS!! Woohooo! Frequent Flyer Miles ROCK! Yes I was drinking complimentary champagne at 8:45 AM. And if they were serving complimentary crack at 8:45am I would’ve had that too. Why? Cause it’s free.

Back to topic – Seattle was beautiful and yet surprisingly full of homeless people and cokeheads (maybe they all fly first class?). I think I’ve been spoiled by Dallas who I’m convinced round them all up at 3am and bus them to Mexico. Despite that, I really liked the vibe and “artsy-ness” of the city. We saw all the main sites (Pikes Market/Pioneer Square/Space Needle) and managed to fit in some nifty little restaurants (Kems I lost your email!) and also experienced some great seafood and local wines. We boarded the Infinity Friday morning and checked our brains in at the door. Our stops were: Sitka , Hubbard Glacier, Ketchikan, Juneau and Victoria (British Columbia). The highlights:
Sitka – It’s the farthest north of the trip, on an island and has a very heavy Russian heritage that remains still. It’s the most remote of all stops and boasts large numbers of sea otters and grizzlies. We saw otters, no grizzlies. Also saw seals and bald eagles. It’s up by Baranoff Island and surrounded by glacier covered mountains and the Tongass National Forest. Someone once described Alaska to me as “God’s Country”. Seeing Sitka confirms this for me.

Juneau – We took a helicopter and flew over several glaciers. We were able to land on two of them (Herbert and Mendenhall) and walk around! This experience was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done. The beauty of the land and the glaciers just takes your breath away and at the same time the deep crevasses and moulins (holes that form that extend from top to bottom,to fall in it is instant hideous death) is some of the most terrifying things imaginable. I can’t truly describe what it was like to walk on one, but I know from our guide that they are melting fast and I’m sad to think one day they will be gone.

Ketchikan – We hired a private guide and were taken to some great non-touristy areas where we saw loads of Bald Eagles and black bear. We even saw eagles fighting with locked talons in mid air as they spiraled quickly toward the ground. This is apparently rare enough to witness that even our seasoned guide nearly ran off the road in excitement. Unfortunately it was too exciting for neither Keith nor I to grab a camera, we just sat wetting ourselves.

The ship itself was a great get away and we really were able to lose ourselves in the sound and the smell of the water just a few feet away from us. We slept every night with the door to our balcony open and despite the sun setting at 11:30pm and rising at 4:15am we slept for long, undisturbed hours that rejuvenated us. Then the obnoxious Mexican nationals 2 cabins over woke up and their damn brats of devil-children spent a great deal of time yelling “arriba” and some such shit until I told them where to shove it much to their parents disgust. This also went for the American couple next door, I am a multi-cultural brat disliker. The spa was terrific! We spent great deals of time in the sauna (Turkish, dry and herbal) and even treated ourselves to a couples Razu treatment. During the Razu we were left alone in a room and ordered to strip to our birthday suits. We were given a whole basket of goodies (face masks, Salt Rubs, Aromotherapy Oils etc.. ) to rub all over ourselves/each other which after applying each treatment we retreated to a small 2 person sauna to let all the mojo sink in. We both walked out over an hour later looking 10 years younger and smelling like roses! It was wonderful.

All in all, it was a wonderful, wonderful trip that was 1 and ½ years in the making and I’m ready to go again! A special thanks to Mom and Dad for disrupting their schedules to take care of the doxie!

Bon voyage! I'm off on my guilt trip!

2008-07-24T14:39:00.006-04:00

By the time most of you read this, I will be somewhere between home and a nice, welcoming hotel room somewhere in New Jersey. I will more than likely be squashed between the girls' booster seats in an effort to separate them, and I will probably be trying to sneak some wine from the box-o-Merlot.

Anyway, this is the pile of crap I've managed to amass for our Jersey shore trip. Sick, isn't it? But...that's not the reason I posted it. Do you see him?
How about now?
Isn't that so sad? Like he's trying to stow away and is hoping no one can see him? Kinda tugs at your heartstrings, doesn't it? Almost kills me with the guilt.

Actually. No. It doesn't.

He'll be fine. He'll have my father-in-law wrapped around his little finger and taking him for walks on a daily basis. My mother-in-law will pretend like she doesn't care for him...and will cook him some tidbits when no one is looking (she already bought him a new food dish).

He will survive.

And I will drink margaritas on the beach in his honor.

So, until the beginning of August, I bid you farewell. I hope that you see some new posts here while I'm gone and leave lots of comments for the new writers!

Party Hearty - Swazi Style

2008-07-23T09:09:00.020-04:00

First again! Winks is the wiener!

My aunt Kathy (Winky) lives on a little patch of heaven in Swaziland, and recently hosted a 60th birthday bash for my uncle, Wiggy. These are her words, her pictures, marking the beginning of the new family blog.

The handsome devil is Wiggy...Happy 60th!!

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The weatherman predicted that there would be a 60% chance of rain, and that the maximum would be 13 Celsius (don't know what that is in F), but it's COLD. So Wigs built an extension off the veranda and covered it with plastic. The day dawned BEAUTIFUL and warm, and 50 guests later, we were all ensconced at tables under the tent, scoffing lamb stew and hundreds of veg. My maid thinks white people are mad to attend a party where you are asked to bring your own booze (BYOB) and bring your own chair (BYOC), and also to bring a pud/salad. She says no self-respecting Swazi would ask anyone to such a party! Anyways, if you want to have a big party, that is what we do and it worked a charm! Good food, good company and as the day cooled down, we lit braziers (which were so hot they melted the roof of the tent!

The first guests arrived at 2pm and the last was kicked out after Wigs and I had gone to bed at 2230! That guest had to leave his car behind and get a lift home as he was so legless! Then the next morning, EVERYONE (family staying) left within 10 minutes of each other. This picture is of us all just before the DEPARTURE - the ones you don't know are Mark's mom and dad. Wigs and I drowned our sorrows after they left by opening his presents, and then went out to lunch and rounded the day off with an afternoon zzz. Was most unprepared for work the next day!

I was afraid of the flames and wax when Wigs blew out his candles, and that is why I look like I do in that pic - I hope that is not my pretty face look! The first pic is on the night of his birthday when Em and Mark and Joe and I gave him a special dinner and decorated the breakfast room with balloons and streamers and photos hanging from the ceiling. Such a fun birthday, I think I will have to do it for him again next year! This is the first birthday I have been allowed to throw for him in our entire married life!
As far as Piet is concerned, I have written to him, conveying all best wishes possible. I will be holding thumbs for the best from 1800 our time, and drinking a toast to him. 6 is what we call puza time (siSwati for drinking alcohol), but some days we have to say that it is past the yard arm somewhere in the world, so it's ok to start early. I think the whole family has alcoholic leanings!

Love your blog!

Winks Darling, Young and Beautiful (and I suppose that is relative...)
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So, who's next?

Digital Camera Part Deux

2008-07-22T22:16:00.011-04:00

First things first. Dad. Biopsy tomorrow at 11:00am CST (roughly). We are expecting nothing but good stuff...even if it means waiting until the 31st for the results.

Which...WTF? Are we in Canada? Eight days to read a slide? I should think not. Someone needs to raise their voice and swear a lot (I'll volunteer) or blubber like a baby (again, I'll volunteer).

Dad and Mom are stoic and steadfast. They are thinking positive and bracing themselves for all the whatifs (and saying a lot of WTFs, I'm sure...cuz' really...WHAT THE FUCK?!). We will, of course, keep you well informed so as to properly influence your prayers and positive thoughts (many thanks in advance...of course...and don't stop). In the meantime, please pray that they feel our love and support and that we can stop saying WTF.

Let's see...before I start filling up the blank spots with pictures of the kids, Dad and Emily have requested blog posting info, so I hope to see something riveting from them when I get back from my VACATION (which, by the way, I am totally packed for...I could wake up the kids this instant and be on the road in 10 minutes. We leave in 3 days. It's a sickness.).

Alright, so I totally bitched about my crappy camera and completely forgot that Steve's work gave him a pretty decent Kodak digital camera (which he kinda, sorta gave to me). So I dug it out, downloaded the Christmas pictures (for shame...but do you like the t-shirt Steve's sister got him?) that were suspended in time on it and tried to see if I could make magic with it. The pictures below were all taken at Jack's soccer game last night, and while I would still LOVE a super fancy, high speed, blow-your-mind-with-the-picture-quality camera, this one will do for now (don't let that discourage you from taking up a collection to surprise me with something wickedly fancy...and expensive).

Okay, back from a short break. Libby lost another tooth today and I had to make sure the tooth fairy remembered to bring her money. She forgot last time...self absorbed bitch was probably drinking too much cheap wine and fell asleep watching the Food Network.

Just sayin'.

Which, reminds me of the time I went shopping with a friend and returned home to Jack standing in the driveway holding a ziplock baggie with all his lost teeth neatly wrapped in tissues and labeled with date it was lost.

"Um, yes, well, see Jack..."

God bless my neighbor. She quickly jumped in and told him the tooth fairy will leave the teeth in a special baggie if a Mom requests to keep them. Jack either bought it or decided not to give up on a good thing (the tooth fairy brings $5 and he still had a mouth full of chiclets to lose!).

Okay, enough drivel already. Here are the kids from last night.Jack in goal...his least favorite position (his favorite is the sideline).Soccer is thirsty work!Maggie picking flowers for Mommy.Maggie Grace...a vision of loveliness and Walmart stickers. Libby, picking accessories.The beautiful, unmatched (literally) Libby Bits.

Well, That Wasn't Supposed to Happen!

2008-07-21T16:25:00.005-04:00

Dad has had a 6 month petscan and it wasn't as clean as it could be. He shows some glowing on the partial rib from which the tumor was removed. I'm sure he can explain it better, but the long and the short of it is that it is either post surgical something or another...and not at all worthy of worry...or something that should be long gone. He says that if the latter is true, he will need some spot radiation to take care of it. So, please pray that it is the former, rather than the latter.

We believe in the power you've already created.

For the love of God, someone please buy me a brand, spankin' new camera

2008-07-19T23:19:00.006-04:00

Katy is up visiting with her Nan (Tami's mom) for about 3 weeks and between my busy schedule and her camp schedule, we've not had as much time together as I would like. BUT...we've made good use of our time! The couple across the street from us owns their own party rental supply company. They rent tents, chairs, tables, linens...everything you'd need for a party. Including inflatable bounce houses, etc. This morning, in the driveway, in mantalk, the husband made sure Steve knew that they were having their company party, which included a GIANT water slide and that our little urchins would be welcome to slide as they wished. He (Steve) mentioned it to me, but I thought it would seem a bit awkward to have the four of them scamper across the street and have at it...in the middle of their party. So I didn't make a big deal of it. Well, let me tell you, the second that slide took it's first breath, they knew. It was like kiddie crack.

"Mommy, can we pleeasaaseee go on the slide? Oh, Moooommmmmmmy".Well....

Of course we did. Four against one. I didn't stand a chance.They had a blast!!! And I took a whole buncha pictures. Dozens! Live action shots, mid-slide grimaces, splash landings and lots of big, cheesy grins. And about a third of them came out. Damn camera!!

I need a new camera. One that will take pictures using a flash, when I need a flash. That will take pictures when I click the fucking button, not a split second later. One that may even take 2 or 3 pictures, right after each other. Bam, bam, bam.

A lightening fast auto focus wouldn't kill me either.

Is that so much to ask?

Okay, just for their grandparents. Jack, Libby, Maggie and Katy. Party crashers. Blurry and all.Aren't they just beautiful?

Just a Little

2008-07-16T21:05:00.005-04:00

A little of this and a little of that today.
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First, it would appear that Justin must part with a little more than a kidney stone. In fact, he's already .00006 lbs lighter since having a suspicious mole removed. It was discovered by the urologist who found the stone (and so I need not be specific about where it was found) and apparently it was ugly enough to warrant being removed immediately. Some lab in the deep south is now taking a look at it, so if you're the praying type, please pray that it's not Bubba behind the microscope. A joke, folks! Just a little joke. But, in all seriousness, please send them a little prayer that this was/is just a pesky brown dot a little too close to an even bigger (and whole heap peskier) brown dot (if ya know what I mean...**wink**wink**).

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I have decided to open the blog up to the rest of the family (and those that are not blood related are also considered family (Denise, et al)). Since my contributions have been some what unreliable (and a whole lot unprofitable), I think it would be nice to let other people contribute as they see fit. So, if you're interested in posting an update every now and again, please let me know. I'll email you the username and password for the blog, and a short (very) tutorial on how to get started. If you'd like to post updates, but can't be bothered tinkering with the blog, I'd be happy to post letters and pictures directly from emails you send to me. So, get crackin'! Mom/Dad/Winks/Kinny, I could start posting your weekly letters if you'd like (and throw in a picture every once in a while fer-cryin'-out-loud). Let me know.

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Sometimes when I'm walking in the store with the kids, and they weave and bob in front of me causing me to take 1/2 steps or stop suddenly, I want to push them down. Is that bad? And when does that stop?

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SEVEN MORE DAYS!

Counting Down

2008-07-15T22:00:00.001-04:00

Ten days and counting! We're off to Sea Isle City, New Jersey. Which, admittedly seems like an unlikely vacation destination, but we've been assured that it's beautiful, with lots of stuff to do. I'm told that millions of people visit the Jersey Shore every summer, and that alone should be reason enough NOT to go, but go we are. We're renting a beach house with Steve's best friend and his family and we are literally steps from the beach. We will be occupying the right half of the beach house pictured. There are four bedrooms and 3 bedrooms, which is hopefully enough room not to get on each other's nerves. Their kids are a little older than ours, but the combination of boys and girls get along like a house on fire, so we're expecting it to be a pretty great week. Look at the view from the upper deck. How could it not be awesome?!

Nancy (the other mom) and I have organized lists (we're both list makers...very alpha female...should be interesting) ranging from the number of toilet paper rolls we're bringing to the amazing menu we've planned. I've been shopping since we booked this vacation 6 weeks ago, and have amassed a pile of crap in the corner of my bedroom. Note, if you will, the box of wine in the top right corner and the bucket of marguerita mix and tequila in the lower left corner. I do have priorities, folks, and a week sharing toilets with another family, whom I have not yet farted in front of, requires lots of alcohol!

In other news (and gratuituous pictures for Gramma and Grampa), Maggie and Libby have had their hair cut. Since neither is very keen on doing the same thing as the other, it was a bit tricky getting them to get the same hair cut. So, I described it differently to them and exactly the same to the two stylists who did their hair. Voila! Adorable twins with equally adorable hair! I had to make them wet their hair and blow it out quickly for the picture and, while it still looks a little slept on, you can see how cute they look.
Ok, I have to get back to my shopping. I'm looking for matching, plain white tank tops for the family for our beach pictures at sunset.

Yes. I'm serious.

Noses and Stones

2008-07-14T08:59:00.013-04:00

I think Brighid and Keith might be fucking with me. Seriously. I've been (slowly) putting together a post about Brighid's new nose and decided to add the pictures this morning. How did I not notice how ENORMOUS the files were? Each time I opened an emailed picture my computer froze. After 2 or 3 attempts, I saved each picture to my hard drive...and attempted to delete them from my email.

ATTEMPTED!

They would NOT delete, people!!

I think I could easily blame my recent computer problems on Brighid's nose. Or pictures of Brighid's nose. I bet it's the up-the-snout shots she sent. I bet if I made a big enough stink (no pun intended), they'd have to replace my computer. One with a bigger memory. And a giant flat screen monitor.

I'll work on that.

But in the meantime, medical updates on my siblings.

First, the new nose. I was actually sent a before picture featuring Brighid's head tilting back and a full view of the deviated septum, but I thought I'd spare you the visual (and it's one I accidentally deleted before I copied it to My Pictures). Imagine, if you will, Brighid's head tilted back like a pez dispenser, with a pink jelly bean shoved up one nostril, almost completely blocking the air passage. That's what it looked like. Oh, never mind, I did save it. See the jelly bean? Kinda gross, eh? Anyway, as you may or may not remember, she was offered a free nose job to shave down a couple of inherited bumps and bulges while on the gurney prepping for the surgery. As this was not anticipated, she didn't take too many side before shots (thank God...I don't think my Fred Flintstone computer could take it!). Anyway, the surgery went well...no problems and the surgeon was very satisfied with his work.
The week after surgery sounded like a little slice of hell as she had thingies jammed up her nose and had to ritualistically suction or drain or something or another every few hours(and Mom, who says she can't physically breath through her mouth, claims she would have died). This is 2 days post surgery and doesn't she look like she's having fun? No shower, no taste buds, no sleep. Happy, happy, joy, joy!
But it was all worth it! After having the stints removed and an industrial strength vacuum cleaner shoved up there to remove a week's worth of gunk, she is breathing like a regular person now (sans pink jelly bean) and looks beautiful.
Ok, so from Dr. 90210 to Dr. Wee-Wee. Last I spoke with Justin, he had yet to pass his giant kidney stone. The urologist could apparently see it floating about the kidney, probably picking up calcium chicks before it's journey. His immediate pain was over, but can you imagine the anticipation of still having to pass it? Every time you go to the bathroom you wonder "is this the pee that sends me crashing to the floor while a ball of razor blades makes it's way to the porcelain pool?". I think I'd be constantly drunk. Or, at the very least, sedated.

Katy is up here visiting Tami's parents, so Justin and Tami went away this weekend (some romantical weekend shit), so I have not yet heard if he left any shiny little trinkets behind. He apparently also had to tinkle in a gallon jug for a day to see if they could figure out why he gets these things (my guess is the Dos Equis)(and I had to do that once and all I remember is that some preservative stuff in the jug smoked every time I made a liquid deposit...very freaky). Anyway, maybe Justin will send a picture of the stone when it's out. Stay tuned.

The Looooong Weekend

2008-07-07T11:06:00.002-04:00

What a great weekend! It started last Wednesday, when my old neighbor offered to share her "Fancy Nails" gift certificate with me. And, knowing that I would probably regret getting fake nails again, that's exactly what I did. Now I am sporting some really fancy nails...and have had to retype almost every word so far because my fancy nails are all clickety-clacking the wrong damn keys.

Sigh. The price I must pay for beauty.

Anyway, Levy was our nail technician and hails from Vietnam, where I'm sure he was probably a micro biologist or some such shit, but now he gives morons like me fancy nails. My neighbor went first and she made all the usual small talk with Levy...married, kids, blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden Levy got up to go into the back room and she whips her head around and says, "He keeps looking at my boobs!". I lean over and see that her tank top is swooping a little low and since she's midway through her fancy nails and can't take care of business, I adjust the neckline for her. A minute later, Levy emerged from the back room with two giant glasses of wine! For us! Before she could say another word, I readjusted my neighbor's top back down for Levy's cheap thrills...and to ensure us a second glass.

'Cuz that's how I roll.

Oh, before I forget. I noted on the price list at Fancy Nails that I can get a full back waxing for only $40! Imagine that?! I could also get a full bikini wax for $35, but it's going to take a lot more than a glass of cheap chablis for me to show Levy my vajayjay.

Thursday night (the 3rd) found us at our new neighbor's cottage on Conesus Lake (the lesson so far is to always be nice to your neighbors) for the Ring of Fire, which was just magical and spectacular. Conesus is one of the Finger Lakes and is small enough (8 miles long, but skinny) that you can see the other side, but big enough to spend the day floating in your giant cigarette boat if you so desired(or canoe if you're poor like me). As is the 3rd of July tradition, as soon as the sun set, the fireworks started. Not the cheapy ones we buy in Pennsylvania to keep Jack happy, but BIG ones...loud and bursting with color. Coming over the lake from all angles. A short while later, we started to see flares being light at precise intervals along the front of each property...and all of sudden...it's there. The ring of fire. This picture from Wikipedia doesn't do it justice because only a few flares are lit and they're out of focus, but it's enough to get an idea of how awe inspiring it is to sit on the dock and have this light display just emerge from the darkness. Very, very cool!

We spent the 4th just loafing around the house, reading on the deck while the kids floated in the hot tub (God, we need a pool!). Steve was (is) building his man cave in the basement, so by the time we left to have dinner with his grandmother that night, he was already beat. After dinner, the kids and I braved the crowds and went to see the "real" fireworks. And I may, or may not, have set a bad example for those sweet little cherubs and lied to some pimply faced teenager about my participation in the fire department to secure a PERFECT parking spot in a prime location..but...it saved me at least 20 minutes of walking, which translates into 40 minutes of whining, so it's all good. The fireworks were spectacular and no one whined a bit...least of all, me.

Saturday was the perfect day to spend at the beach, so we loaded the crew up again and headed to Fairhaven. Interestingly enough, every time we go there we see girls (and women) wearing those modesty bathing suits. See how happy they look? Not like me, sitting there in my pricey Nike bikini, sucking in my gut and praying that I don't look like a chubby two bit whore. I was wearing swim shorts over the skimpy bottoms, mind you...I do have standards (as does Steve...I think he quite admires those modesty suits). Anyway, we sunned, swammed, ate and fished until we ran out of money and patience.

Finally (God this is getting long, eh?) this brings me up to date, as yesterday was a day for grocery shopping and vacation shopping (you should see all the piles of crap on my bedroom floor...it's so exciting...and sooooo neurotic). We capped off the holiday long weekend with a couple of cocktails with the neighbors on each side of us last night and stumbled to bed at a fairly decent hour. The perfect end to a great weekend!

Whew!

Up next...medical updates. Brighid is sporting a new nose and Justin is trying to pass a marble sized kidney stone. Who do you think is having more fun?

Cliff Notes

2008-07-02T22:37:00.008-04:00

Things I HAVE been doing:
*Working (a lot and ineffectively!).
*Taking care of children...my own and others.
*Drinking too much wine.
*Dieting.
*Planning a vacation.
*Working on a healthy tan (YES..they exist..SPF 8 people!).
*Paying $822 to have ONE tooth removed from Vinnie's skull (his own)(skull and tooth).

Things I have NOT been doing:
*Making money.
*Losing weight.
*Blogging (no shit, Sherlock).
*Sunning my face (my mother's voice echoes in my head).
*Brushing Vinnie's fucking teeth.
*Saving money for our vacation.

Things I must STOP doing:
*Reading Perez Hilton AND trying to sell software to people who are clearly bright enough to come looking for it if they needed it.
*Saying yes every time someone offers me something in a glass with a stem on it.
*Spending money on bathing suits made for teenage girls with big headlights.
*Taking epsom salts to "clear the runway". Oh. My. God.

Things I NEED to do:
*Buy a new camera for my vacation.
*Find a job that doesn't involve cold calling and...um, people.
*Invent canine dentures.
*Make curtains for the office and the new dining room so my husband will get off my back about "softening the space".
*Create my very own low calorie wine

Things I LOVE:

More to come...lots more. Like why I've electively taken epsom salts (not once, but TWICE) and why removing one rotten hunk of tooth from that little rat bastard cost almost a thousand dollars (do you know how many padded bathing suits I could buy with a $1000?). And how many asshole IT people I had to talk to earn that money? Sickens me to just think about it.

And pictures. Lots of pictures. Except the kids clothes will actually match (Libby like her stripes!) and I will insist they brush their hair.

Oh, and while I'm at it, why did it take a MONTH to get 6 piddly comments about those gorgeous kids and their stunning mother? And 3 of the comments weren't even about them!

I'm back, bitches!

A Favorite

2008-06-01T21:46:00.003-04:00

This was taken at a bonfire almost two years ago. The speed at which these cherubs are becoming real people makes my heart ache.

Aren't they beautiful?

Before and After

2008-05-31T11:13:00.003-04:00

Brighid had her surgery on Thursday to correct her severely deviated septum (I've always known she was devious). Her plastic surgeon said it was one of the worst he's operated on. While he was tap, tap, tapping with his little nose hammer, he gave her a nose job...a free nose job! No more mogul on a ski hill! Brighid's nurse called it an $3000 early Christmas present. So, in addition to being able to breath normally, she'll have a perfect profile. When the bandages are removed and the swelling has receded, I'll post the before, during and after pictures. In the meantime, she apparently looks like she fell down an elevator shaft...on her face. And can't sleep because she has stuff jammed up her new nose. So send her some healing vibes when you can.

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I bought a new bathing suit. A two piece bathing suit. Settle down...no self respecting bimbo would be caught dead in it...the bottoms still have a skirt. Anyway, I've always had two pieces, but this one doesn't cover up the area in which I housed three babies, two at the same time. And I look horrendous. Really. BUT...I'm also seriously trying to lose those last few pounds and have a plan. I didn't take the tags off, or that little piece of crotch tape that's supposed to protect me from lady cooties. Once I've lost 5 lbs, I'll try it on again. If it looks better, I'll keep it until I've lost the last 5 lbs. Then, and only then, will I wear it out of my bedroom. I may (MAY) post before and after pictures, too. But only if you can actually tell the difference between the two.

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I am actually starting to like my job. No, love my job. I'll spare you the boring details, but something has clicked and it's challenging and fun (and some days still frustrating). I'm starting to make a little money and some of my efforts have been positively recognized by my boss (BossMan in California). Feels pretty great and I feel pretty lucky to be working from home. So, no before and after pictures, but I couldn't be happier with the turn around I've experienced as a phone whore.

Anyone else want to share their before and after?

Justin's Spider

2008-05-28T09:11:00.002-04:00

Read the comments from my Dublin's Friend post.

Not even a defibrillator would bring me back around.

A Pox Upon You

2008-05-27T13:00:00.008-04:00

Another week gone by. Oh wait, it's been almost 2 weeks! Damn. What have I been doing? Nothing. Well, nothing interesting anyway. Working, parenting, housekeeping, gardening, socializing with my new and old neighbors (I'm willing to stretch myself a little thin for my friends...I'm giving in that way).

Yawn. Not even a smidgen of drama.

Well, just a little.

A couple of Tuesdays ago, the kids wanted to take a post-dinner dip in the hot tub. Jack shook off his t-shirt to the synchronized what-the-hells of both of his parents. His torso was covered in little, red, blistery dots. A quick check of the girls, and we found several on each of them, with Libby being the least spotty.

This is the first crop of poxes that appeared.

I freaked. No fucking way. Chicken pox? No school for two weeks? Three itchy, miserable kids under foot until they got the all clear from school? For up to three weeks!!!

Oh. My. God.

I was not relishing the thought of nursing three sick kids and trying to work. I know I should have mustered up a little sympathy for them, but really, it's all about me and my self imposed schedule.

I called their pediatrician's office in the morning, now convinced that despite vaccinating them, we had a raging case of the pox. The nurse even made arrangements for us to be let in through the back door, to avoid the accusing eyes of the all the "good" parents in the waiting room.

The nurse did a cursory check of Jack, who's pox was now stretching from his junk to his neck, and gently prepped me for the real possibility that we did, indeed, have the pox.

The doctor, however, having seen a handful of real chicken pox in the last several years, took one look at him, then at me and said, "do you have a hot tub?".

Sweet mother of God. Not the pox?

Whew!

Now, let's rewind a couple of days, and see how we got ourselves in this predicament. How we clearly lost our shot at winning the "Parents of the Year Award".

The Friday before Pox Tuesday, we finally got the hot tub in good working order. It took rebuilding the pump and replacing the heat exchange (cha-ching), but FINALLY it was actually hot (there's a good reason they didn't successfully market it as a cold tub). We had it running and fully heated that night, but realized we didn't get the chlorine, etc. We made a mental note to get everything we needed the next morning. But we forgot, and who cares anyway? The kids thought we were rockin' the street!

Four of the estimated 7 children who got swam with our cooties.

Sunday was Mother's Day, a day to remember the loving sacrifices your sweet mother has made for you...and to show up at the pool place to find locked doors and a "It's Mother's Day, You Idiot" sign in the window.

Ah, what the hell? The kids loved it, LURVED IT, don't even seem to mind the slightly musty smell wafting from the water. They didn't even bother to mention that with every passing hour, the water began to look a little cloudier, a little less sparkly. But, c'mon now, these kids have swam in worse...much worse...and have an iron constitution. We did say, at one point, that it might not be a good idea to have them in there until it was appropriately chemicalized.

Again...whatever.

"Don't swallow any water kids."

So, the disapproving tsk-tsks I got from the parents of the kids we allowed to splash in our cesspool cost me almost a hundred beans...$40 for chlorine and $45 for co-pays and prescriptions to treat hot tub folliculitis (a bacterial infection of the hair follicle, caused by improper treatment of the water in your hot tub).

WHATEVER, I said!! At least it wasn't the pox!!

Lunch Conversations

2008-05-16T12:04:00.003-04:00

Libby: Mommy, can I tell you a secret? Can I be a veterinarian like Chrissy**?

Me: Of course you can. Every town and city needs lots of veterinarians to take care of our animals.

Libby: OK. I'm only going to only eat fruits and vegetables from now on

Chrissy: Yes, I'm a vegetarian, too. Can I have some ketchup for my hot dog?

Maggie: I think I'm going to eat vegetarians, too.

***Name changed to protect her from her possibly vegetarian parents.

Dublin's Friend

2008-05-15T16:45:00.004-04:00

Dublin came home with Libby today. Dublin is a green, stuffed bear who brings along the journal he needs to keep while he is in our home. Libby asked if we could take some pictures of Dublin doing her some of her favorite activities, one of which is lounging in the hot tub. Rather than get into the hot tub, we had her pose next to the hot tub with Dublin (more about that later). I grabbed a towel that was hanging over the deck railing, when much to my surprise...and girly screams...I found this.His size might not impress you much and I may get some shit from the folks in South Africa, but...in my defense, he was ENORMOUS and had the benefit element of an ambush. I nearly passed out.

And because Mom and Dad had recently hinted that perhaps the kids could use a little more respect for nature, I didn't let them kill it. Instead, Jack scooped him up in a plastic container and released him in the trees in the bottom of the yard.

Had I been alone, I would have stomped on him like my feet were on fire.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a spider to hunt down and exterminate.

Back in the Saddle

2008-05-09T22:32:00.006-04:00

So, we're almost a third of the way into May and this is my first post. I have a whole host of excuses, but none are believable, and all are embellished.

But...having my favorite house guests, and finally achieving a minor break through in my shitty job is very time consuming. I had the best time with Mom and Dad, and kicked a little telemarketing ass while I was at it!

Mom and Dad left last Sunday (the 4th) after two weeks with us. It was so easy and so relaxing having them here. They gushed about the new house, met the new neighbors approvingly and made themselves invaluable with their efforts in the daily routine.

They both look fantastic. Better than fantastic.

Dad is looking healthy. A little thin for my liking, but his general appearance disguises very well the hell he's been through. May 25th will the first anniversary of his diagnosis, a day I can so easily speak of as if it happened to someone else's family. It still seems surreal. But, he's sneaking up on 5 months since his last chemo treatment, has had two clean pet scans and has the perspective of someone who has faced and beaten the odds. We had the opportunity to have a kid-free, one-on-one lunch together, and truly, I was in awe of the calm and purpose with which he views his life. I would not want to repeat the last year...for him, for my mom, or for our family...but what a gift it has been to have been offered a window into this experience. We are are so richly blessed, so unbelievably luck...and he has weathered it well.

Not to worry...the philosophical and spiritual meaning of repeating last April's trip was not awash in morbid memories.

It was pickled.

Dad insisted on keeping the wine well stocked, and if I thought of being embarrassed I might hesitate to tell you that I think we destroyed FIVE boxes of Merlot while they were here (go ahead, do the math. Five boxes of wine equals TWENTY FIVE bottles of wine...in 12 days).

Thank you, Dad.

No.

My liver and waistline thank you.

It should go without saying that Mom also looked amazing. She is fit, svelte and full of energy. I lost count of how many loads of laundry she folded, how many dishes she washed or how many games of Candyland she let Libby win. She got to things before I had a chance to think of them, and without knowing it, gave me a much needed break in the routine. She is perfectly suited to be my roommate. We think alike, we appreciate the orderliness of a well kept house and we love a strict bedtime.

Goodnight, kids!

We managed a couple of trips to some local country craft places and did some retail damage. When mom left her luggage must have weighed twice as much as when she arrived. It was loaded to the gills with candles! Nice, big, stink-pretty candles. We will definitely have to tame the trinket shopping when they move back. I'll be cold stone broke!

Most evenings I forced them to watch shows they don't typically watch, but I think by the time they left they were almost fans of both American Idol and Top Chef. The aforementioned wine kept them compliant and kept the moaning to a minimum.

So, we're back to normal, I'm working my butt off and all is well. Hopefully I'll be back in the groove of posting in the coming days. No promises, though.

Oh, and on a side note, one of my new neighbors found something in my kitchen that I didn't know I had.

An empty cabinet.

Who does that?! Who moves, washes out cabinets, unpacks and doesn't realize for TWO WHOLE MONTHS that a cabinet remains empty? For the love of Pete. I swear I didn't even know it was there.

Also, while I'm admitting to being a moron, just moments ago I glanced up and noticed we have crown molding in the office. And it's super.

I really need pay better attention.

Also, I caught an unexpected glance of myself from behind...and I saw the back fat.

Back fat, people.

I'm having my jaw wired shut on Monday.

A Weekend of Firsts

2008-04-28T10:22:00.006-04:00

So a combination of work and having Mom and Dad here have kept me from the computer (in the best possible ways)...and today is no exception. I will spend more time updating and posting when the house is woefully empty again.

But, for now, a weekend of firsts for my kids.
Steve took Jack hunting during the youth only pre-season and they got a jake, Jack's first ever. He was very proud, as was his dad. The picture was taken in our backyard, part of ritual of picture taking after every hunt.

Don't ask.

Maggie and Libby performed in their first ever dance recital and it was awesome. It was sweet, and funny, and worth all the weekends I spent sitting at Nazareth College waiting for them. I love this picture...taken backstage before the show, before the costume "reveal".

That's it for now. I'm supposed to working (I'm in my room with the door shut while my parents tend to the babes) and I don't get paid to blog (yet).

His Lordship (the original)

2008-04-15T13:14:00.003-04:00

This is the backyard. Also known as his toilet. It was raining.

This is where he pooped. Note the care he took to miss even the wet part of the mat.

But he was the inspiration for this little critter, Wilson My-Cousin-Vinnie Brighidslastname.

So we'll keep him for now.

Mr. and Mrs.Wisenarses

2008-04-13T18:35:00.012-04:00

Before you read this post, you'll have to go back and read the comments from my Before and After post (if I knew how to link to it, I would...but it's only two posts down, for cryin' out loud).

No, really, go ahead.

I'm serious.

Alright, you're back.

See, the transition from crappy dining room to stylish office, of which I was very proud, evoked an intense response from some readers. I'll even go out on a limb and call the reaction uncultured, bordering on barbaric.

To refresh your memory, my new office:

Mid-way through the comment marathon, I got this in my inbox from Brighid and Keith, presumably to show off her fancy desk:

Do you see it? Do you see the mocking? Do you see the reckless disregard for my personal design sensibilities and complimentary art selections?

Well, I didn't. She had to point it out.

Because it may be possible that I am as dumb as a chicken.

But now that I know she wasn't just trying to show me her cool desk, I can hear the two of them, cackling like a coven of decor hecklers, assembling the Pink Panther Art of Shame. When I close my eyes, I can picture them, searching for a way to diminish the impact of my Un Lapin Dans Le Jardin (a rabbit in the garden, you heathens). They just couldn't help themselves.

And that's fine.

I hope they can afford to pay for my therapy.

PS. At least I don't watch soap operas while I'm working.
PSS. If you missed it, too, think Pink.

Remembering Grampa

2008-04-11T12:54:00.003-04:00

It seems so appropriate for this post to follow the last...since my Grampa would likely have passed out after watching that clip. He would have laughed until he wept.

It would have been awesome to watch, better than the clip itself.

He left us five years ago today. Gramma sat at his side through the night, quietly pleading for him to stay. If the sheer might of her will could have carried him until the morning, it would have. But, when she slipped out to use the bathroom in the early hours of April 11th, he spared her the pain of his last breath, and went to heaven.

He was a remarkable man...salt of the earth...loving husband, devoted father and cherished Grampa.

This is the message my Mom, his eldest living daughter, sent to the family a short while ago:

Five years ago today Dad( Grampa) left and still I miss him and often see or hear something he would appreciate. We are so blessed to have had a really honourable man as our dad. Bless you Dad.

Grampa, you are loved and missed, more than you could know.

The Dangers Of Being A TV News Reporter

2008-04-10T22:24:00.001-04:00

I've watched this clip about 10 times today...and sometimes I laugh until I cry...and other times I'm so ashamed to even crack a smile! But, c'mon...a pie to Nancy Grace's face?! Sign me up! The Texas rat snake...OMG...funny shit! I did a little digging and apparently all these journalists lived to tell about it (especially the poor grape stomper and motor-cycle-tailgate-explosion...who sued the station and won). Thank God! So, have a little giggle at someone else's expenses...I won't tell.

Before and After

2008-04-10T11:31:00.005-04:00

So, we've been hard at work making the house our own, so I thought I'd show you some of our progress. The former owners had a lovely shade of powder blue in the dining room, befitting perhaps a small clan of infant boys. Well, since we don't need a dining room (and coincidentally sold our gorgeous Mission dining room furniture only six months ago), we decided to turn the room into an office. My office. And it's awesome. Although I don't get to use it very much because it has no doors and my boss says the kid noise is unprofessional (what does he know?), so I typically sit on my bed with the laptop and work (I'll save my work bitching for another post...but suffice it to say I'm not lovin' it). Anyway...here it is!

The office before (camera seems to wash out the colors a bit, but you get a sense of the nursery-blueness of it all).

The office after. Note the wine glass on the desk. After putting that mother of desk together, and doing what I could to prevent the children from learning any new swear words, I needed it! I have since added a nice potted plant on the top left of the desk and pewter lamp next to the monitor to finish it all off. You like?

Couldn't resist a new one of Vinnie. I found him sleeping in Maggie and Libby's dance tote bag on Tuesday night, looking even more pathetic and cute than I thought possible. Bless his little heart.

That's it for now!

Updated to add close up of rabbit for other art enthusiasts (Brighid?).

Celebrity Home Tours

2008-04-01T15:12:00.037-04:00

So, it took me a bit longer to get this up than I had hoped and I hope it doesn't take too long for the page to load. I had to resist the urge to point out EVERYTHING we want to change and all the trinkets and whatnots I have planned for all the sparse bits, but whatever. Here it is. Our new digs.

So, we'll start the nickel tour from the street. We are told that there are lots of perennials, so we're looking forward to the sprung of spring to see what we have. The porch is very quaint and our Amish/Adirondack furniture looks great on it (right next to the giant Staples box which I neglected to bring in the house before I took the picture).

This is the view of the back of the house, taken from behind the garage. Note the giant hot tub, a minor snafu in our contract negotiations. As I recall, it went something like this:

Sellers Ex-husband: "Yo, the hot tub is excluded in the price of the house, unless, of course, you wanna give me boat loads of money for it."
Poor Buyer's Husband: "Like, dude, we don't want your giant, budget-sucking hot tub, so you can load it up and take it with you."

Fast forward 3 excruciating months to the final walk through:

Poor Buyer's Husband: "Mmmm...that looks suspiciously like a giant hot tub on the deck."
Sellers Ex-husband: "Like, yeah...I'll be back for it when the weather warms up and my homeys can help me get it off the deck."
Poor Buyer's Husband: "Eh, well...no. You and your posse have until April 1st to haul it outta here. After that, me and the missus are going to do dirty things in it."

It's April 1st, suckah!!

Or something like that.

The entrance. Office behind me (not pictured...will be included in a riveting before and after montage this weekend) and living room to the left.

Corner of living room...surrounded by lots of stuff that still needs to be hung. Like Vinnie.

Looking at the family room from the kitchen.

Family room (no before pic, but the back wall was dark green and the side walls were white). Taken from the kitchen.

Kitchen sink side of island.

Fridge side of island. Hallway to the left leads to laundry room, powder room and garage.

Close up of kitchen border...lovingly painted by aforementioned ex-husband's sister-in-law, less lovingly named "one moose, many meese" by Poor Buyers and promptly put on the to-do-list (will be painted the same color as family room).

Where the magic is supposed to happen (our room, folks). Now THAT is green...and on the chopping block.

Maggie's room. Very blue, but fortunately matches her new comforter. Relegated to the "when-we-get-to-it" painting list.

Libby's room...blue does NOT match her comforter, but also sits solidly on the same list as her sister's. The cloud curtains will also be replaced.

Jack's room...inspired by dead critters and the desire to be invisible. An actual dead animal (one of Steve's deer) is planned for over the headboard, but they may wait until Mom and Dad leave (not sure how they'd feel about an animal watching them sleep).

The kids part of the basement.

Steve's part of the basement.

Eh...my part of the basement?

Not pictured in the interest of, well, interest are two and half baths and a laundry room.

Yawn. I'm tired. Tour's over.

*** Edited to add that the colors are a little off. The family room is actually a bit darker, grayish-green. And our bedroom is decidedly aqua-marine greenier...if that's possible. And Steve is already itching to finish the basement.

Pathetic On So Many Levels

2008-03-28T12:41:00.005-04:00

Get it? So many levels? Levels?

Whatever.

That's what I see about 10 times a day. He whines to come upstairs with me while I work. If I run downstairs to grab something, he appears at the top of the stairs, his head a weird, obtuse triangle with the flat of his ears and sharp point of his snout, whining to come back down.

I think I see the perfect spot in the new backyard to bury him.

Alive and...Well?

2008-03-25T20:46:00.005-04:00

"Um, if you could spare a minute, I'll take my afternoon tea in my sunbeam."

"Err...sorry. I forgot. No eye contact."

Home Sweet Home

2008-03-24T09:27:00.005-04:00

So, where to begin?

Despite being a whiner and telling everyone who'd listen that moving sucks the big one, it went remarkably well. The movers arrived promptly (even a few minutes early)on Thursday morning and didn't stop for seven hours. They fit our little house of horrors onto the 28 foot truck like a well crafted, unbelievably complicated jigsaw puzzle. Amongst other crazy things, they managed to tuck our obnoxious stainless steel grill (a big mutha) off the ground (as in, not one of it's four wheels touched the floor of the truck), snuggly with the rest of our worldly possessions.

Everything that came out of the old house was neatly and efficiently put into the new house in the same condition. They even made suggestions about furniture placement and paint colors. All for about $500.

It was just amazing to watch.

Which, by the way, speaks to the depth of Steve's and my stupidity. We were plumb tuckered out just watching them sweat and shudder under the weight of some of our furniture. For real. And...it wasn't until about 2 weeks before the closing that we decided to seek out some moving estimates. 'Cuz we actually thought we could move ourselves. Me and him. Him and I. In a 20 foot U-Haul.

Let me clue you in on a little secret. Not only would it have taken 2 weeks for us to empty the old house, it would have cost us a bundle in divorce attorney fees to settle the division of our busted up crap that didn't get completely trashed in the process.

So, anyway, where was I? The move and the closing went off without a hitch and we've made significant inroads into making the new place feel like home. Steve has painted the laundry room and the family room (the previous owners had a very liberal color palette) and we even have a few pictures on the walls.

The kids have their own rooms now, complete with new beds and new comforters (which they picked out themselves). I had worked myself up in anticipation of separation anxieties and bedtime battles, but lo and behold, they have been champs! They love their rooms, love the decor they've each chosen and have settled down beautifully. Thank God.

There you have it. It's done and we're in. And we love it. I mean really love it. We didn't realize how cramped we were at the old house (happy, but cramped)and are really enjoying being able to stretch out a bit. The yard is beautifully landscaped here, and we're looking forward to seeing what the spring brings (lots of bulbs, we're told). Other than paint, there is little for us to do, but enjoy the house. We've already had some neighbors stop by, and it looks like there will be a little slice of something for all three kids on the street with a nice mix of older and younger boys and girls.

So while I don't plan on doing this EVER again, I'm not sorry we did. At times the stress was almost too much to bear (I'm such a sissy), and the effort took a toll on my sanity and security, but it was all worth it. I am so looking forward to creating new memories in this house and gradually turning it into our home.

Well, pictures are forthcoming, especially as rooms get closer to being complete, but in the meantime, here are my funny little people enjoying a housewarming edible bouquet from Brighid and Keith. It was absolutely dee-lish...and between the five of us we annihilated it in less than 10 minutes. Muchas gracias!!

Thanks to everyone else who sent new house mojo. We felt your support and appreciate the warm thoughts!

Why Moving Day Can't Come Soon Enough

2008-03-10T15:24:00.007-04:00

Welcome to our cardboard jungle! This is the view from the kitchen to the deck. Somewhere in that pile of boxes is a path to the microwave and the few remaining toys that aren't packed.

This Maggie and Libby bedroom. They haven't slept here in over 4 weeks.

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The front half of our living room, where we haven't been able to do much living.

The view into our bedroom. Note the makeshift beds on the floor for the kids since everything in their bedrooms is either disassembled or boxed up.

Looking from the family room into the lower half of the kitchen. Note the denim couch in the foreground, which Steve and I shoved up the basement stairs a little less delicately that we shoved it down. Can you say "touch up paint"?

That's What I'm Talkin' About!

2008-03-07T13:45:00.004-05:00

It's all official! We have a confirmed closing date, with attorneys and everything! This may actually happen!

Next Friday morning we will hand over the keys of my little chalet to the new owners. At 1:00pm we'll get the keys to the slightly larger chalet from it's current owners.

Can you say hallelujah?!

I have nothing to complain about as all seems like it's happening quite efficiently. We're even getting prepossession to move our things in on Thursday. But...I'll be SO glad when this is over and we feel the welcome of the new, unpacked and decorated house.

Alright, back to my artificially sweet voice and the phone whore business.

A Blazing Cake

2008-03-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Eight-nine candles would have been burning on her cake. And she'd have blown every single one of them out.

Happy Birthday, Gramma!

Flat Jack Update

2008-03-04T10:04:00.004-05:00

The last thing Jack's class does on Friday afternoons is update their Flat Stanley project. Postcards are read, maps are studied and pushpins are placed. And because Flat Jack went halfway around the world, he had to wait a bit longer for his postcards (some Flat Folk went to other parts of New York fer-cryin'-out-loud). He started to get discouraged ("Mommy, Caroline got her FOURTH postcard from Ohio this week!").

Last Friday he burst off the bus and couldn't get the words out fast enough.

"Mommy, I got TEN postcards!!"

"TEN POSTCARDS!"

"And every single one of them had writing ALL over them!"

"And Mrs. ThirdGradeTeacher read EVERY SINGLE WORD!"

So, from the bottom of my heart, Emily and Winky, thank you for sending word of Flat Jack's travels. Thank you for taking the time to fill out each of those postcards with such love and care. Jack was over the moon and so proud to put himself on the map.

Thank you, thank you!

And to the rest of you South African and New Zealand folk, watch out for Flat Jack. Although he was only allowed to choose one address to start his journey, you may still see him on his voyage. If anyone would like to circumvent the "rules" and send a postcard from your area, just send me an email and I'll give you Jack's school address. He would love to add a few more push pins before the end of the year!

My LIfe In Bullets

2008-03-01T23:52:00.002-05:00

* 13 days until we move and I can't turn my head in any direction without cardboard boxes obscuring my view. Which, it turns out, is the antidote for feeling sad about abandoning my little house (I can't wait to get the fuck out so I don't have to look at cardboard boxes for a verrrry long time).

*An amazing woman from Canada took it upon herself to buy me not one, but FOUR bags of ketchup potato chips. AND...a small assortment of candies we can't find on this side of the border (can you say "sssmarties"?). She has refused my offer of money, so I've made it my mission to pay it forward to someone else who needs a pick-me-up. Any suggestions are welcome!

*At the same time as Brighid called to gloat about watching Gladiator, I was trying to wash my red-stained, ketchup potato fingers. My superiority complex was short lived, however, as she left me a message tonight that she's have boerewors made by some Dallas butcher. Whatever.

*7 weeks until I host my parents again. For two whole weeks. We will see if we can do any more damage to the Simply Crepes menu. I can't wait to love 'em up!

*I just got back from the East Rochester High School production of Grease...my nephew was Kenickie. It was awesome! He dedicated himself so fully to the role and impressed the hell out me. It was money and time well spent and I appreciate so much the effort those kids (especially my nephew) put into an outstanding show!! Plus, the kid who played Doody will almost certainly make it to Broadway...and it was a real treat to watch him sparkle!

*What I lack in quantity at work I am more than making up for in quality. I suck moose balls at setting meetings, but with appointments at both Nike and MTV in March, I have ensured that I won't be fired...yet.

*Two of my favorite lesbians on the planet shared a meal of shrimp scampi with us on Friday...and reminded me why I count them as two of the greatest blessings in my life. I love you both!

*I have officially given notice to my daycare parents. I'm done. I will watch my last two kids until the end of the summer...and then I'll be a retired daycare provider. Turns out the retirement fund sucks, but I hope to follow my dreams when the door finally hits them in the ass.

*I'm officially chubby. I can't stand the sight of myself, but I've decided to be kind to the moon face that stares back at me every morning...until we close on the new house. Then all bets are off and I'll be pushing hard to beat the flab. Will report my progress (but only if it's good).

*It's almost 12:30am, March 2nd. Time to go to bed.

Ya Can't Eat Just One

2008-02-19T23:07:00.004-05:00

I'd sell my soul for a bag of these tonight.

I'm obsessed and considering ordering a case from the manufacturer.

Today is day 2 of my diet and all I can think about is Ketchup Potato Chips (or, as we called them back home, Tomato Sauce Crisps).

They're readily available in Canada and the border is a measely ONE hour from here. I could have a sweet set of red fingers in less time that it takes to watch Iron Chef America.

It's so tempting.

Recycling

2008-02-19T09:54:00.002-05:00

Alright, so between packing and working, my little blog that couldn't is being woefully neglected. I still have two posts that I started, but for lack of time and focus, have not been finished.

For shame.

So, I'm going back a couple of weeks and revisiting things that bring us joy. My Dad (now a full 3 months since his last chemo treatment and apparently regrowing nose hair) added his this weekend and I thought they were the perfect way to start the week.

So...without further ado...my Dad's joy.

1. Easing into my bed at the end of the day ... slowly settling back into my memory foam pillows (yes, more than one)and feeling the day's crap oozing out of the soles of my feet.

2. Watching my client experiencing that crucial "AHA!" moment after a flawless intervention.

3. If you have a box of Merlot ... move over on the sofa.

4. The missus coming home after a day in the salt mines. Nothing like comparing notes on the latest symptoms of serious mental disease in the corporate cesspool.

5. The first three continuous swigs of Guiness. When you can breathe again even the in rush of air tastes bitter. Somehow I then have an urge to read half a page from any Mave Binchey book.

6. Gassing with my offspring on the phone ... figurtatively... oh, what the hell ... and literally. It is a family gift.

7. Those realtively rare phone discussions with Brian in Toronto, Kems in New Zealand and, Els in Holland.

8. A braai with my in-law brothers and sisters. I savour (savor?) it most when I've found their stash of GOOD booze.

9. A nap with a dog next to me.

10. The end of a flight on American Airlines. Their motto ... "we'll get you there but we don't care if you enjoy it."

Now about that Guiness ...

... my compass points ...

New post tomorrow...I promise! With pictures!

For His Inner Intellectual

2008-02-10T22:46:00.001-05:00

My husband, complex and occasionally even bordering on profound, laughs like a simpleton every time this commercial comes on. Watching him is actually funnier than watching the commercial. Even after the fourth, fifth and sixth viewing, he laughs until there's no sound coming out of his mouth.

Should I stop saving for Harvard for the kids?

ANTM

2008-02-01T12:58:00.000-05:00

America's Next Top Model is threatening to derail both my personal and professional life. The kids are home from school today, so I rented a movie for them to keep them quiet while I work.

And I'm watching America's Next Top Model Season 3...again.

My God, how many ANTM marathons can MTV run? Not that I'm complaining...I can't get enough of that shiz!

In the beginning of the show they torture all these gangly, anorexic and frankly, homely girls by putting 20 something of them in an apartment to fight it out for a spot in the top 13. It's awesome...lots of tears and drama. Very catty, very fun to watch.

"That bitch is so fat. Does she really think there's a place for a plus size model in this competition?"

And she wears a size 2 and her parttime job is binging and purging.

Then, once a half dozen have been sent packing (sobbing...in disbelief that Tyra overlooked their true inner beauty), the real show begins.

At some point early in each season, the girls are treated to a full makeover. There's highlights and coloring, hair flying, weaves weaving.

And more tears.

Do you know what I would give to have Louis Vicari hack away at my do? And professional makeup artist treat my face as a blank canvas (albeit a wrinkly one)?

Puh-lease. Shut it up and get back to puking already.

Each week the show starts with the girls competing for a "prize"...a bag of makeup from CVS or some such crap. They usually look all nappy and natural...no makeup and hair in a pony tail. Once a challenge winner has been chosen, the next 20minutes are devoted to the rest of girls tearing her to shreds.

But then the real modeling contest starts. A team of professionals descends on each girl and they're transformed into birds, animals, dead people...whatever. It's freakin' amazing! Makes me think that the only thing that stood between me and a modeling career is a pallet of clown makeup.

Anyway, once the photographer has each models' best shot, the images go to the photoshop department where they're altered so much that you can no longer identify which girl you're looking at.

The final glossies then make their way to Tyra and the most fabulous drag queen on the planet, Miss J, to be judged. There's usually a couple of other judges, but the two queens are the ones that count.

Then, my absolute favorite part...when Tyra's decision is handed down.

"Ten girls stand before me. And I only have nine pho-tos in my hands."

The tension, the suspense, the tears...

Love it!

Things That Don't Bring Me Joy

2008-01-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

1. That my aging dog is starting to cost a fortune. He seems to have a growing list of needs that require the vet's attention...like two fatty cysts that look like boobs and a canine tooth that may need extracting. In an effort to lower expenses, I asked my dog groomer neighbor to teach me how to express his anal glands.

And...

Oh. My. God.

I'm scarred for life.

That's it. I can't get passed what I witnessed tonight to add to the list.

Pray for me.

10 Things That Bring Me Joy

2008-01-25T11:45:00.000-05:00

I noticed on some of my favorite blogs that people get "tagged"...or something like that...and post a list of, ummm, stuff. Now, I didn't get "tagged" (loser) but I decided to share with my readership my top ten greatest joys. And, just to keep things interesting, I skipped the obvious. There will be no mention of sleeping children, puppies or spring flowers. These are my real joys.

1. Q-Tips after a shower. I'm like a dog when you scritch it's special spot (behind it's ears, sickos). I shut my eyes and slowly twirl the Q-Tip...around and around and around...drying out my big ears. Oooh, it feels so good.

2. Plucking a rogue hair from my chin. I have an old lady, coarse hair that grows under my chin. I think if I left it alone it might reach my collar bone and get stuck in my necklace. But...I don't...so every couple of weeks I have to go after it. And I can't see it, even with a flashlight and a magnifying mirror, so it's a bit like searching for a nickel in the grass at midnight. Man, when I finally feel the tension of the tweezers against the hair root and I know that success is just a matter of constant, gentle control, it feels uh-mazing.

Yes, I am considering therapy.

3. The Mail. I can't wait! Our mail carrier's truck/jeep has a very distinctive sound and I know he's coming when he's still on a neighboring street. I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs...waiting in the window until he passes my driveway (I don't want rush right out and look desperate, for God's sake!). You should see me at Christmas. I can't wait to count my Christmas cards. And yes, people, I do take mental notes about who can't be bothered to send me a card.

4. Salad, especially when other people make it. A good salad makes me really happy.

5. Finding money. I once found $50 at Wegmans. I was in the express lane checking out and saw a nice crisp President Grant staring up at me from the floor (settle down...I had to google the reference). However, since I have a conscience, and couldn't tolerate the thought of a little old man eating cat food because he dropped his money, I turned it in to the service desk. But before I left, I asked about the possibility of the money going unclaimed and was told that if no one inquired about it after two weeks, that I could keep it. And damn if I didn't call every other day for two weeks to see if it was gone. They knew my name by the end of those two looooong weeks. Sure enough, no one had any faith in mankind and bothered to call Wegmans. So, thank you, suckah!

6. The Food Network. When I finally win the lottery, I'm going to have the fanciest, biggest kitchen in America. I'm going to have so many gadgets and appliances that I'll need to warehouse them in an attached garage. And I'm going to have a pantry that would make Bobby Flay drool. I will fry my eggs in truffle oil and serve kobe beef hamburgers on the 4th of July. And I'll have a maid to clean up the kitchen when I'm done with my uber tasty culinary creations. Yes. I will.

7. An empty house. Although I can't remember the last time I was all alone in my house, it is something that I know would bring me a lot (you have no idea) of joy.

8. 9pm. God, how I love 9pm. By that time my offspring either need to be in bed or sleeping at someone else's house. I punch the clock at 9pm, pour a glass of wine, call my parents, then let my eyes glaze over on the Food Network...or HGTV...whatever.

Tick, tock...9:oopm.

9. Finding the clothes dryer empty. I just love it when you think you have a load of laundry to fold before you can put the next load of wet clothes in, and you open the dryer and it's empty. Yipppeee!

10. Comments on my blog. 'Nuff said.

Okay, your turn. What brings you joy?

Happy Birthday Ouma

2008-01-24T08:35:00.000-05:00

It's hard to remain uninspired when this amazing woman was your Ouma.

Not only did she survive life in a concentration camp during WWII, she did it while protecting and nurturing her very young son, my dad. After losing her husband in the war, she and my dad left Holland for South Africa to start a new life. She worked hard (damn hard) and overcame her circumstances to become a prominent figure in both academia and theater.

Her life story is rich with the kind of details only found in movies. Faced with adversity, she met every challenge head on and prevailed with dignity and grace. She was educated, ambitious and empowered long before the women's movement and it would serve me well to aspire to her achievements.

My fondest memories of my Ouma were of visiting her on Sundays. Her little house in Cape Town had this amazing backyard. It was dark and mossy, worlds away from the beautiful antiques that filled her home. It was like a secret garden and when I close my eyes I can even remember how it smelled.

I remember sitting with her while she recounted stories of her move to South Africa. I remember the sweets she would set out for us when we visited.

I remember the softness of her face, the translucency of her skin and the way her eyes closed when she laughed. I remember how it felt to be hugged by her.

It has been over 25 years since she passed away, but I still draw strength and inspiration from the woman she was and the life she led. I know deep in my soul that her spirit will live on within me and my girls as they grow and eventually create a life as accomplished women.

So, to my amazing Ouma, happy birthday.

I love and miss you.

Desperately Normal

2008-01-23T09:27:00.001-05:00

Alright already! The complaint department is CLOSED. I knooooowwww it's been 10 days since my last post.

Sigh.

It's just that my little life has left me somewhat uninspired lately. Not because it's falling apart (it's not)...just that it's so average. So very average.

There are no imminent house issues. We have had moments of panic and frustration, but generally speaking things are all moving in the right direction. We hope to close on March 14th, but if I've learned anything through this process it's that things can change quickly. I try not to think too much about the close because I don't think I'm emotionally fit enough to deal with it all.

Closing the door on this little house for the last time will surely rip the beating heart right out of my chest. I will be so sad. And because I have so many friends on this street, I know I'll be in the neighborhood regularly, and I'll have to witness each unforgivable act done to my house.

What if the new owners don't put up window boxes? Or weed? What if they yank my awesome hydrangeas out of the ground?

Maybe I should dig them up now and bring them with me.

Letting go will be tough.

And the new house. So many unanswered questions. So many what ifs. So much work just getting into the damn thing. I was thinking that maybe y'all could start a fundraiser to hire professional movers for us. And painters to cover the sea foam green in the master bedroom. Maybe a bake sale? Or car wash?

Just a thought.

Holy crap...speaking of the master bedroom, I had an unpleasant revelation about the whole bedroom/master bath set up. It blows. The master bath is chopped in half. The loo and the shower are in one small room and the sink is in a separate space (right next to toilet/shower). It's set up kind of like a hotel room, with the sink area as part of the bedroom.

Which means that every single morning, at precisely 6:15am, I am going to be awoken to the sound of my darling husband hocking a giant, nasty lugey into the sink right after he brushes his teeth.

Every. Single. Morning.

This is by far his most repulsive habit (sadly, there are others). It is just disgusting. But, for the better part of the last 14 years I've been spared the snort-gggggaaa-spit routine by either the depth of my sleepiness or the location of the bathroom.

All bets are off in the new house. The sink will be only feet away from my slumbering head.

And frankly, this might be a marriage breaker for me. I get annoyed when he wakes me up for a good reason ("I think Maggie's running a fever"). I don't do well being rudely jostled into my morning. In a perfect world, I would slowly and gently regain consciousness when I'm actually DONE sleeping. Alarm clocks would be banished and children would synchronise their waking hours with mine.

Waking up to him spitting wads of snot into the sink will torture and eventually kill me.

Or him.

(Sorry, Mom)

Rest assured, my computer friends. We will have a new bathroom wall before the end of March. Green walls be damned, sputum issues will have to take priority.

So, there you have it. All my averageness. But, since an official complaint has been lodged, I promise to share my boring life on a much more regular basis. You can expect updates on the darlings, on my newly changed job (oy, the stress) and other evuh so interested snippets of life in my shoes.

There. Am I forgiven?

Flat Jack

2008-01-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

So y'all know about Flat Stanley, right? Stanley flattened himself to fit into an envelope and sent himself around the world.

Or something like that.

Well, somewhere in my beloved South Africa is Flat Jack. As part of a class project, Jack created a paper version of himself. I have seen him on his classroom website and he is rockin'!

Anyway, Flat Jack was first sent to Swaziland to my aunt Winky (who's married to Wiggy...both given those nicknames long before they married...who'da thunk, eh?). Jack was so thrilled to have one of the only Flat people to leave the United States.

And to a place where people run naked with the lions, no less!

Sorry...couldn't resist. Just had to mock two stereotypes that we heard more than once upon our arrival in the States.

I had a couple of reservations about sending Flat Jack to South Africa. The first...what if he never showed up! I made sure the address I sent was clear, with the proper punctuation, etc...but wasn't sure if Jack would take his time and write carefully and legibly.

What if he ended up in some tribe in South America?!

Second, I opted not to warn my aunt (mostly because I thought it was just so darn cute and didn't want to ruin the surprise)...and wasn't sure if she'd toss it out without even opening it. I probably would have.

"What's this crap? Creditors don't even have the decency to write my name in the right place anymore?"

But...(drum roll, please)...

There has been a Flat Jack sighting is Swaziland!!

And he has apparently been sent on his way to Capt Town to my sweet cousin, Emily.

Yippee!!

I am so freakin' excited!! For Jack, for his classmates and for me!! I can't wait for Jack to come home from school to tell me his class got a postcard from home. Flat Jack will surely be the most traveled dude in his class. And for that, I am so grateful!!

So, for my family in South Africa (Emily...I think you're the only one who reads regularly...so pass the word along), thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to respond to the Flat Stanley project. I can promise you that Jack is so excited and will so appreciate you taking the time to report on Flat Jack's travels.

I am already touched beyond words that this little 3rd grade project is bridging the oceanic gap between the family and county I love and the family I'm raising. I'm sure I'm not supposed to be all sappy about it...but, well, hell.

I just think it's so damn cool!

So, if you've sent Flat Jack on his way or are anticipating his arrival...thank you.

So much!

Again...

2008-01-11T22:55:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday night...10:56pm.

The credits for "Gladiator" are rolling...again.

My face hurts...again.

God I love that movie.

PS. Rough drafts for 2 news posts started...don't lose the faith!

Next On The List

2008-01-08T09:33:00.000-05:00

If there ever were an indicator that I don't possess the cajones to be an air traffic controller or one of those people who work on the floor at the stock exchange, it was the way I handled the past week. What a freak. The constant sense of angst, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the over-the-top dramatics.

Get a grip.

Anyway, I'm not going to beat myself up...but I do need to work on managing stress and keeping things in perspective.

Sooooo...what happened?

Last Wednesday, in my pajamas, we found out that our "new" house had received an offer that bumped ours. So, we had to scramble and concoct a back-up plan. We were able to remove our contingency, but were strung out through the weekend and only found out last night at 7:30pm that we are, in fact, in a legally binding contract.

The house is ours.

At the same time we learned that we could breathe easier about the "new" house, our agent scheduled to meet with us...to present us with TWO OFFERS ON OUR HOUSE!

Can you believe it? Not one, but TWO offers!!

So, we were able to pick them apart and choose the conditions that best meet our needs. We are scheduled to close on both houses on March 14th.

I am beyond thrilled. This is starting to feel like the exciting adventure that Mom and Dad tried to convince me it could be. I am even allowing myself to envision how I'm going to spread out my kitchen shit in all those cabinets.

We are awaiting attorney approval on the contracts and then we can seriously start planning the move. Moving almost 15 years of stuff is daunting, but we'll figure it out. There's a whole lot of crap crammed into this little palatial estate!

Alright...next on the list? I thought I might download the Christmas pictures of the three kids and all their holiday joy. It's only been 3 weeks, right?

Aw, nuts. There goes my Parent of the Year award and it's only January 9th.

Better News to Drown Out the Whining

2008-01-07T11:48:00.000-05:00

This is the email my sister sent out to the rest of our scattered family today.

"Results of Dad/Pieter's PET Scan

First scan completed post cancer to check the entire
body to make sure no spreading or new spots have
appeared and they found NOTHING! He's all clear! :-)
Next scan is in 3 months.

What a great start to 2008, eh?

Love to all!

-Brighid and Family"

How can I whine about the house deals?

Great news!! We have much to be thankful for!!!

Well, Crap

2008-01-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

The seller's agent just stopped by (unannounced...I'm in my pajamas, thank you) to inform us that they've received a non-contingent offer.

Now we have three days to pull a giant rabbit out of our hat.

Fuck.

2008

2008-01-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it? It's been 8 years since Y2K. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting on the couch, panicking that I didn't have a purse full of cash to cover a month of expenses (remember?). There sat Steve, all calm and irritatingly practical. There I was...defcon five, full steam ahead melodramatic.

Yes, it pisses me off when he's right. I would rather have waited in line for my government cheese than have the clock turn to 12:00am without so much as a blown fuse.

Dammit.

So, anyway. Here we are in the New Year. As my mom and dad so aptly put it, we've scraped 2007 off the bottom of our shoes and we are poised for great things, great health and even greater love. It is a New year indeed

I should work for Hallmark.

So, where are we now? We've officially signed our listing agreement and have the FOR SALE sign tucked away in the garage, ready for the unveiling on Friday morning. Our first open house will be Sunday, and we fully expect a bidding war by 4pm sharp.

Please, sweet mother of all things good, let there be a bidding war...even just a little one ("do I hear fifty cents?").

The kids go back to school tomorrow after entirely too much time off. I wish I could say I'll finally be able to put my feet up, but my boss is expecting me to use my phone talents to their potential (he, apparently, has no concern for my house selling/buying inconveniences...so I will stop feeling guilty that I didn't send him a Christmas card).

And I believe that brings us up to date.

Oh, except for one other small detail no one mentioned when we set out on the relocation adventure.

Stinky food.

As in preparing stinky food. As in lingering stink from stinky food. As in not a good idea.

We can usually count on having fish at least once a week, with steamed broccoli or cauliflower somewhere around that frequency, too. Sauted onions and garlic are a staple, as is twice monthly chicken French (think fried and odorific).

We have already eaten more pasta than I care for and as much as we love Eggs Benedict, I can't serve it every night.

Do you see where this is going?

More stress. More crankiness.

Please send house selling mojo our way asap.

362 Days Until Christmas

2007-12-28T09:44:00.000-05:00

Christmas was a hit and run over here. After less than 3 hours sleep, the kids tore through a mound of presents in seconds.

And just like that, Christmas was over.

I know most normal people leave their gifts under the tree for a few days for easy access and subtle bragging. But, since I am not normal, and I need to sell my house lickety split, we have sorted and stashed everything that Santa brought in a wow-those-closets-are-HUUUGE fashion.

The tree and all it's trimmings are even gone.

While I do like the look of a clean house, I do actually feel bad for the kids. I have vowed to myself that no matter how my impulses direct me to clean up, I will let them have their presents out for a few days next year. We will even leave the tree up until New Year's day. In the formal living room. Where I can close the pocket door to the mess.

Oh well. The next few days will be a flurry of cleaning and staging as the realtor will be by on Tues/Wed to take pictures and get the house officially listed. The owner of the house we're buying is sending her realtor over, too, as she is interested in taking a look. She is apparently in the midst of a divorce and needs to downsize in the same school district.

Wouldn't that be something?

Anyway, we are days away from 2008 and by all accounts it looks to be a good one. Dad had a baseline PETscan on Wed, and we have every reason to believe that all future scans will be remain the same. If all goes as planned, Mom and Dad will be New York State residents again this year. If nothing else happens, I hope this to be the highlight!

My brother and sister-in-law are IN LURVE again...a great joy to the rest of us who thought we might have the first divorce in the extended family (no, the joy isn't that we avoided being the first...duh). Get a room, for God's sake! ;-)

My sister and bro-in-law are heading to Atlanta for a trade show next weekend...the beginning of yet another (I'm sure) profitable year for their business (www.americanbuttonmachines.com). Wilson, of course, will still be the prince (Vinnie is king, baby).

And us? Hopefully I get to send out the change of address postcards I've already spent too much time obsessing about (sick, I know). If we're embarking on an exciting moving adventure, there are no four people of the planet I'd rather be with than my husband and our trio.

As for the rest of you...Happy New Year! May your wildest dreams come true!

I Feel The Love...

2007-12-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

...from all six of you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your gracious compliments about my new do...even if I kinda begged for them. I still like the cut, but that usually only lasts a few days. Then I'll start to get irritated with having to blow dry it everyday and grow it out.

That's how I roll.

I also appreciate your kinds words about the house. I am almost embarrassed about my inability to go with the flow on this one. I'm still stressed, although relieved to have the offer done with (mostly...we expect them to accept our offer this morning and our attorney will review it by the weekend).

I am determined to relax until after Christmas and to focus only on the things I can accomplish (like wrapping presents...oh my God...).

Yesterday during another small freak out, I decided to call Amazon and find out where my 5 shipments are (FIVE, for TWO separate orders). The customers service girl was friendly enough and our conversation started out with the civility you'd expect from someone like myself.

Someone one the verge of a nervous breakdown who needs to wrap her fucking presents!

She went through all the possible reasons why my packages haven't shipped.

Clickety, clickety, clack on the keyboard...a few moments of silence.

"I think there's a payment problem. Oh. No. Not a payment problem."

Clickety, clickety.

"I think some of your items may be out of stock. Oh. No. Everything is in stock."

Clickety, clickety.

"I think perhaps you entered the wrong shipping method. Oh. No. You didn't."

Clickety, clickety.

"Wait...oh yes, here it is. I see what's holding up your TWO separate orders in FIVE separate shipments. It seems that we pulled an item from our stock that didn't meet our standards. You know, a torn box or something like that. We pride ourselves for the highest level of customer service...and, what did you say?"

"No, no, I can't guarantee delivery by Monday. Yes, yes, I know we guaranteed it by the 19th, but that's before we found something that didn't meet our standards...no, I underst...."

"Ummm, no...I suppose on time delivery and keeping the magic of Santa alive might be more important than a torn box, but ummmm..."

"Mrs. Martine, please stop shouting at me."

"Mrs. Martine? Hello?"

***---***---***---***---***

I just checked my Amazon account. All but one of my shipments says it shipped on the 20th, and will arrive on the 20th. What?!

Either it's a Christmas miracle or she's messing with me.

Look What I Did

2007-12-18T20:10:00.001-05:00

I was getting a little sniffly on the phone with Steve today about the overwhelming-ness of all this house stuff. I think it's generally pretty stressful buying/selling a house on impulse (reading the offer contract line by line, and realizing how many people have their grubby hands in your pocket before you even sign anything) but doing it one week before Christmas is bordering on certifiably insane.

But...whatever...Steve wasn't entirely unsympathetic, but I do remember something like "save the drama for yo' mama".

So after I hung up with him I decided to do something I've been thinking about for months.

I cut my hair. All of it.

At Supercuts for God's sake.

When I sat in the chair I was so sure it was exactly what I wanted. I didn't hesitate for a minute. And then the size 2, blond "cosmetologist" (who is probably young enough to be my daughter) started shaking.

And 10 inches of hair fell to the floor.

But I like it...so far.

And I really wanted to show it off to my readers. All two of you.

The thing is, I'm so vain I made everyone in my family take a different picture of me until I finally settled on one that didn't make me cringe. I would have asked Steve to keep taking pictures, but he wasn't feeling my angst, so the kids had to step in. Seriously. Seems I've got myself a nice set of jowls and my very own Paris-Hilton-Wonky-Eye, so I had to keep cocking my head just so and trying to make my eyes look uniform.

It was exhausting. Even the kids got sick of it.

Then after dinner, I had to make the rounds to all my neighbors to show off the new do and fish for more compliments. They all told me it looked "cute" and "darling"...and that I look years younger (I'm never moving).

So, there you have it. My impulse action for today.