Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Someone please send the boy a cookie...

An email from Justin today (he asked for my new address to send Katy's's like Christmas!):

Big box, including some nice shoes, some crappy but good shoes, pair of new winter boots and the usual Katy broken in stuff.

Some good for working with dad under the Chevy, but most pretty decent stuff.

I accept cash, cash and cash, or you could send me my freaking cookies you procrastinator.

Holy shit!

God created the earth in 7 freaking days.

What kind of damn cookies take months to make?

Oh, and I want some lobster tails.

Nothing too ostentatious though.

Don’t want to come across as uppity.

Thank you for the gifts Martine.

You and mom did not follow the rules, but as I was one of the benefactors of your reckless rule breaking, thank you.

Did you know my birthday is next month?

40 years old.

That’s a big one.

Needs to be celebrated just right, with huge and very expensive gifts.

Like a box of freaking damn ever loving cookies!

I will accept cash, liquor and freaking cookies.

Chivas Regal is a nice, gentle hint.

55 gallon drum should work just fine.

You do know how to bake right?

This whole cookie thing is going to put me in therapy you know.

Oh, I also like meat.

The basics. Brisket, ham, turkey, dolphin tongue…the usual.

Summer sausage with those fancy little cheeses. Now that’s the way to a mans heart right there!

Or you can send him freaking COOKIES!!!!!

I like guns!

And my truck.

Oh shit.

I think I might be ADD.

Did I mention cookies?

Have I told you about my gun?

Its big you know.

I oil it every night, and sometimes in the morning too.

I will send the package out in the morning munchkin.

Lots of love

Your cookie starved, meat craving gun rubbing brother.


Pieter said...


Did you read the previous post? They'd have to be baked with cardboard flour.

winks said...

When I visit, I will come with a case FULL of cookies. I will toss some in the garden for you so you can gallop out the door to pick them up when you become too anxious about your gun that needs to be rubbed morning and evening...

(Mart- is he dangerous?)

Bird said...

Oh sh*t - Winks you crack me up!!

Martine said...

I think "gun" might be a euphemism (if ya know what I mean). Makes me want to toss my cookies!

Damn, I crack myself up!

Justin said...

Man rule:
If I do not buy the cookies, they are not subject to any diet rules. I may not buy cookies, fast food or candy, but if someone else buys them and gives them to me, they are free game.
Winks, do not be afraid honey. On most occasions I keep my gun safely holstered where it could not accidentally go off and create a messy incident. As long as you make your intentions clear as to delivering said cookies, I will grant you access to my abode, show you where the coffee pot, vacume cleaner and ironing board are and put you to work.
My gun is made of wood. The sharp end is the dangerous end. When fired it is rarely lethal, though I never miss. Even when it is not fired it requires frequent cleanings to avoid fungus issues. Though I take it out into public often, it is rarely seen. It has a nasty habit of going off on its own. It was modified 3 years ago to where it only shoots blanks. On days where my back is bothering me I will use it as a crutch. I like my gun, and if it could talk, it would say it likes me too. If my gun ever did talk however I would probably have to shoot it to protect the innocent, or at the very least, the not so guilty.

Tami said...

Easy trigger... I really don't think you want me to get involved in this...

Martine said...

Well said, Tami!

Justin said...

I was only implying my gun was huge, by fishermans standards. I did not say I was an expert with my gun, but I do know in theory how the thing is supposed to work. In theory. I will now gather the tatters of my ego and bid you all a good evening. You vicious harpies you.....

The Butterfly said...

Justin you never told me you needed cookies so badly. I will bring a selection from Walmart for your "big" day next month. Winks it seems he is only dangerous when he needs cookies, so we'll be sure to feed him before you get here.

Pieter said...

Now wait a minute. Doesn't he subliminally say that he's really trying to get rid of his cookies? Hence the BB gun with the 30 sec delay start?