Saturday, May 31, 2008

Before and After

Brighid had her surgery on Thursday to correct her severely deviated septum (I've always known she was devious). Her plastic surgeon said it was one of the worst he's operated on. While he was tap, tap, tapping with his little nose hammer, he gave her a nose job...a free nose job! No more mogul on a ski hill! Brighid's nurse called it an $3000 early Christmas present. So, in addition to being able to breath normally, she'll have a perfect profile. When the bandages are removed and the swelling has receded, I'll post the before, during and after pictures. In the meantime, she apparently looks like she fell down an elevator shaft...on her face. And can't sleep because she has stuff jammed up her new nose. So send her some healing vibes when you can.


I bought a new bathing suit. A two piece bathing suit. Settle self respecting bimbo would be caught dead in it...the bottoms still have a skirt. Anyway, I've always had two pieces, but this one doesn't cover up the area in which I housed three babies, two at the same time. And I look horrendous. Really. BUT...I'm also seriously trying to lose those last few pounds and have a plan. I didn't take the tags off, or that little piece of crotch tape that's supposed to protect me from lady cooties. Once I've lost 5 lbs, I'll try it on again. If it looks better, I'll keep it until I've lost the last 5 lbs. Then, and only then, will I wear it out of my bedroom. I may (MAY) post before and after pictures, too. But only if you can actually tell the difference between the two.


I am actually starting to like my job. No, love my job. I'll spare you the boring details, but something has clicked and it's challenging and fun (and some days still frustrating). I'm starting to make a little money and some of my efforts have been positively recognized by my boss (BossMan in California). Feels pretty great and I feel pretty lucky to be working from home. So, no before and after pictures, but I couldn't be happier with the turn around I've experienced as a phone whore.

Anyone else want to share their before and after?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Justin's Spider

Read the comments from my Dublin's Friend post.

Not even a defibrillator would bring me back around.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A Pox Upon You

Another week gone by. Oh wait, it's been almost 2 weeks! Damn. What have I been doing? Nothing. Well, nothing interesting anyway. Working, parenting, housekeeping, gardening, socializing with my new and old neighbors (I'm willing to stretch myself a little thin for my friends...I'm giving in that way).

Yawn. Not even a smidgen of drama.

Well, just a little.

A couple of Tuesdays ago, the kids wanted to take a post-dinner dip in the hot tub. Jack shook off his t-shirt to the synchronized what-the-hells of both of his parents. His torso was covered in little, red, blistery dots. A quick check of the girls, and we found several on each of them, with Libby being the least spotty.

This is the first crop of poxes that appeared.

I freaked. No fucking way. Chicken pox? No school for two weeks? Three itchy, miserable kids under foot until they got the all clear from school? For up to three weeks!!!

Oh. My. God.

I was not relishing the thought of nursing three sick kids and trying to work. I know I should have mustered up a little sympathy for them, but really, it's all about me and my self imposed schedule.

I called their pediatrician's office in the morning, now convinced that despite vaccinating them, we had a raging case of the pox. The nurse even made arrangements for us to be let in through the back door, to avoid the accusing eyes of the all the "good" parents in the waiting room.

The nurse did a cursory check of Jack, who's pox was now stretching from his junk to his neck, and gently prepped me for the real possibility that we did, indeed, have the pox.

The doctor, however, having seen a handful of real chicken pox in the last several years, took one look at him, then at me and said, "do you have a hot tub?".

Sweet mother of God. Not the pox?


Now, let's rewind a couple of days, and see how we got ourselves in this predicament. How we clearly lost our shot at winning the "Parents of the Year Award".

The Friday before Pox Tuesday, we finally got the hot tub in good working order. It took rebuilding the pump and replacing the heat exchange (cha-ching), but FINALLY it was actually hot (there's a good reason they didn't successfully market it as a cold tub). We had it running and fully heated that night, but realized we didn't get the chlorine, etc. We made a mental note to get everything we needed the next morning. But we forgot, and who cares anyway? The kids thought we were rockin' the street!

Four of the estimated 7 children who got swam with our cooties.

Sunday was Mother's Day, a day to remember the loving sacrifices your sweet mother has made for you...and to show up at the pool place to find locked doors and a "It's Mother's Day, You Idiot" sign in the window.

Ah, what the hell? The kids loved it, LURVED IT, don't even seem to mind the slightly musty smell wafting from the water. They didn't even bother to mention that with every passing hour, the water began to look a little cloudier, a little less sparkly. But, c'mon now, these kids have swam in worse...much worse...and have an iron constitution. We did say, at one point, that it might not be a good idea to have them in there until it was appropriately chemicalized.


"Don't swallow any water kids."

So, the disapproving tsk-tsks I got from the parents of the kids we allowed to splash in our cesspool cost me almost a hundred beans...$40 for chlorine and $45 for co-pays and prescriptions to treat hot tub folliculitis (a bacterial infection of the hair follicle, caused by improper treatment of the water in your hot tub).

WHATEVER, I said!! At least it wasn't the pox!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Lunch Conversations

Libby: Mommy, can I tell you a secret? Can I be a veterinarian like Chrissy**?

Me: Of course you can. Every town and city needs lots of veterinarians to take care of our animals.

Libby: OK. I'm only going to only eat fruits and vegetables from now on

Chrissy: Yes, I'm a vegetarian, too. Can I have some ketchup for my hot dog?

Maggie: I think I'm going to eat vegetarians, too.

***Name changed to protect her from her possibly vegetarian parents.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dublin's Friend

Dublin came home with Libby today. Dublin is a green, stuffed bear who brings along the journal he needs to keep while he is in our home. Libby asked if we could take some pictures of Dublin doing her some of her favorite activities, one of which is lounging in the hot tub. Rather than get into the hot tub, we had her pose next to the hot tub with Dublin (more about that later). I grabbed a towel that was hanging over the deck railing, when much to my surprise...and girly screams...I found this.His size might not impress you much and I may get some shit from the folks in South Africa, my defense, he was ENORMOUS and had the benefit element of an ambush. I nearly passed out.

And because Mom and Dad had recently hinted that perhaps the kids could use a little more respect for nature, I didn't let them kill it. Instead, Jack scooped him up in a plastic container and released him in the trees in the bottom of the yard.

Had I been alone, I would have stomped on him like my feet were on fire.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a spider to hunt down and exterminate.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Back in the Saddle

So, we're almost a third of the way into May and this is my first post. I have a whole host of excuses, but none are believable, and all are embellished.

But...having my favorite house guests, and finally achieving a minor break through in my shitty job is very time consuming. I had the best time with Mom and Dad, and kicked a little telemarketing ass while I was at it!

Mom and Dad left last Sunday (the 4th) after two weeks with us. It was so easy and so relaxing having them here. They gushed about the new house, met the new neighbors approvingly and made themselves invaluable with their efforts in the daily routine.

They both look fantastic. Better than fantastic.

Dad is looking healthy. A little thin for my liking, but his general appearance disguises very well the hell he's been through. May 25th will the first anniversary of his diagnosis, a day I can so easily speak of as if it happened to someone else's family. It still seems surreal. But, he's sneaking up on 5 months since his last chemo treatment, has had two clean pet scans and has the perspective of someone who has faced and beaten the odds. We had the opportunity to have a kid-free, one-on-one lunch together, and truly, I was in awe of the calm and purpose with which he views his life. I would not want to repeat the last year...for him, for my mom, or for our family...but what a gift it has been to have been offered a window into this experience. We are are so richly blessed, so unbelievably luck...and he has weathered it well.

Not to worry...the philosophical and spiritual meaning of repeating last April's trip was not awash in morbid memories.

It was pickled.

Dad insisted on keeping the wine well stocked, and if I thought of being embarrassed I might hesitate to tell you that I think we destroyed FIVE boxes of Merlot while they were here (go ahead, do the math. Five boxes of wine equals TWENTY FIVE bottles of 12 days).

Thank you, Dad.


My liver and waistline thank you.

It should go without saying that Mom also looked amazing. She is fit, svelte and full of energy. I lost count of how many loads of laundry she folded, how many dishes she washed or how many games of Candyland she let Libby win. She got to things before I had a chance to think of them, and without knowing it, gave me a much needed break in the routine. She is perfectly suited to be my roommate. We think alike, we appreciate the orderliness of a well kept house and we love a strict bedtime.

Goodnight, kids!

We managed a couple of trips to some local country craft places and did some retail damage. When mom left her luggage must have weighed twice as much as when she arrived. It was loaded to the gills with candles! Nice, big, stink-pretty candles. We will definitely have to tame the trinket shopping when they move back. I'll be cold stone broke!

Most evenings I forced them to watch shows they don't typically watch, but I think by the time they left they were almost fans of both American Idol and Top Chef. The aforementioned wine kept them compliant and kept the moaning to a minimum.

So, we're back to normal, I'm working my butt off and all is well. Hopefully I'll be back in the groove of posting in the coming days. No promises, though.

Oh, and on a side note, one of my new neighbors found something in my kitchen that I didn't know I had.

An empty cabinet.

Who does that?! Who moves, washes out cabinets, unpacks and doesn't realize for TWO WHOLE MONTHS that a cabinet remains empty? For the love of Pete. I swear I didn't even know it was there.

Also, while I'm admitting to being a moron, just moments ago I glanced up and noticed we have crown molding in the office. And it's super.

I really need pay better attention.

Also, I caught an unexpected glance of myself from behind...and I saw the back fat.

Back fat, people.

I'm having my jaw wired shut on Monday.