Saturday, January 26, 2008

Things That Don't Bring Me Joy

1. That my aging dog is starting to cost a fortune. He seems to have a growing list of needs that require the vet's two fatty cysts that look like boobs and a canine tooth that may need extracting. In an effort to lower expenses, I asked my dog groomer neighbor to teach me how to express his anal glands.


Oh. My. God.

I'm scarred for life.

That's it. I can't get passed what I witnessed tonight to add to the list.

Pray for me.


Em said...

Yay! I'm back in the world of the living! I've been promoted, so have been given a laptop as I'll be working outside of the office again. And what happened AGAIN? IT lost more of my documents. AGAIN. And your blog address in My Favourites (yes, you're there along with Google and a few other essentials) was one of those fatalities. Luckily I've still got it on my desktop which hasn't been wiped yet. Whew!

So, after all of that, I'm so excited about catching up on your blog! Reading your blog is definitely on my top 10 list.

Right, what else is on the list?

1. Mark bringing me breakfast in the morning. Every morning. Except this morning actually - and it's his 30th birthday today, so I've told him that I liked him better in his 20's.

2. Going home to Swaziland for Christmas and spending hours playing croquet and boulle on the lawn while drinking katembis (mix of red wine and Coke with mint leaves. Sounds disgusting, but is super-yum)

3. Really long-ago friends finding you on Facebook.

4. Our view. You have to see it. You have to come visit. Can we attach piccies on this thing? I'll have to mail you a picture.

5. Friends coming up to the farm on the weekend to share our view. LOVE my friends. They're also on my list of 'worsts' as they come for lunch on Saturday and only end up leaving at about lunch on Sunday. The dragon in me raises it's firey head and I give them 20 minutes to remove themselves from the house. Mostly good though! In fact, they're coming around in about 45 minutes and if I don't get home in about 10 minutes Mark is going to have me on the top of his 'Worst'list.


Bird said...

Wilson's 2 acorn swallowing incident has put us back $800 and let me tell you...watching your dog shoot acorns out his bum like a machine gun at 3 in the morning is enough for some serious therapy. On the anal gland side... I've gotten used to it. Quote frankly I'm proud to say I'm almost good at it. I've sunk to new levels. So what doesn't bring me joy... f-ing acorns. ALl of them.

Tami said...

OMG Mart, what were you thinking?! You too Bird! Gross! Both of you! Eeeewwwww!

Bird said...

I'm gross?? Look what you woman have had to clean up on your children and all the butt wiping that went on. At least I only have to do it every 8 weeks or so. If he lives to be 16yrs old I'm still doing less butt work that you had to do. :-)

Denise said...

Things that don't bring me joy...
When my preschool calls to tell me my daughter dropped her pants and told a child to kiss her butt.

That doesn't bring me joy.

After the teacher had just called me to tell me she poked another kid square in the eye for taking her play dough.

Okay...I giggle a little but it does NOT bring me joy.

Lainey said...

Anal gland expression. In an effort to be proactive, I learned how to do this shortly after my beagle puppy's glands released on the back seat(cloth) of my brand new 1992 Geo Metro while three of us were on a 12 hr road trip to Missouri. If you have ever smelled the stuff that comes from anal glands I am sure you can sympathize.

When I went to the pharmacy to buy gloves and KY jelly so I could do it myself, I got emabarrased and explained that the stuff was for my dog. I guess I thought it would seem less weird if they knew it was for a dog rather than a person.

I affecionatly called my beagle "Bailey Butt Juice" after that.