Saturday, December 15, 2007

She's That Cool

The full depth of my emotional neurosis is frankly a little frightening. And maybe it's because I'm feeling super vulnerable about the whole house deal (like the fact that we're submitting an offer tomorrow that, even if accepted, means squat 'cuz it's contingent...which means someone with a non-contingent offer or deeper pockets can scoop it up after I've finally brought myself to the point where I could actually fall in love with another house and leave my beloved little chalet). Which just fucking blows.

I digress.

I've been sitting here in my recliner with a giant lump in my emotional mess. I've even shed a couple of tears. Real ones.

And you wanna know why?

Because I'm listening to my sister's ipod.

It's the strangest I'm invading a little part of her personal space. But I'm not. She gave it to me (being the superstar saleswoman she is, she won a couple of shuffles in her days at Sager and has since upgraded to something fancier, so she passed hers along to me).

She told me before she sent it that she wished she knew how to clear the play list for me, but I can't tell you how glad I am that she didn't.

I've had the volume up so loud I know Mom would be reminding me of all the nerve damage I'm doing to my ears. But it's okay.

From Justin Timberlake to Elvis, Metallica to Paul Simon, Aretha Franklin to old school Run DMC. Eminem, U2, Billy Joel, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Garth Brooks...and some crazy, eerie shit that made me cry even more.

And Neil Diamond.
...we're coming to America...

I can't take it.

So diverse, so cool, so rich and soulful.

It made me realize that there's this whole chunk of her that I don't know, that I'm not a part of, that I've missed. And not because we aren't close...she's my best friend...but because we live so far apart. If we lived in the same town, we'd see each regularly. We'd be all up in each other's business. We'd go places, we'd do lunch or late night drive-bys past old boyfriend's houses.

We'd be together and I'd know what she listened to on the radio.

But she's there and I'm here. And maybe that's why I'm so touched and so emotional about her ipod. It makes me realize how much I miss her and how much I would love to have her in close proximity. I would love nothing more than to have her be one of the be a fixture in my home and my family.

She'd have a key to the house (I don't know which one) and everything.

She's the type of woman I'd be friends with even if she wasn't my sister. She's brilliant, sharp as a tack, wicked funny (wicked...make sure you always read the comments for her perspective), deeply emotional and completely devoted to those she loves. I admire everything about her.

She facilitated and paid for me to go to Dallas when the girls were newborns and the weight of postpartum depression was crushing me. She made sure my parents were able to get back to South Africa to provide comfort to Gramma after Grampa passed. She stepped in to do what was needed while Mom and Dad navigated his diagnosis, surgery and subsequent treatments.

She doesn't hesitate...she just does what's needed.

She's been a rock...for them and for me. I'm beyond lucky to have her as my sister and my friend.

And I miss her.

If she were here she'd talk me down from my crazy house fears, she'd tell me to quit crying over an ipod and hey...where's my Cabernet?

We'd crank up the hi-fi...I'd be making up words to some song I don't even know while she jams like a rock star.

Cuz's she's that cool. Really.

I love you, Brighid.

(an ode to my brother in the coming days...I dig him, too)

1 comment:

Bird said...

I'm crying, I'm trying not to cry (out of the migraine meds) but even if I go get one it's worth reading your beautiful words! I feel so very honored to be your sister and humbled by the things you've said. I've told this to mom and dad and Keith many times. I am the person I am and I do the things that I do because I have had great teachers in my 35 years of living and I'm proud (shout from the top of mountains proud) to say you have been one of them, with more influence that you know. So it is I that say to you my sister and my best friend, Thank you for so much..and I love you!

And let's not forget, we're hot tamales too, so that counts for something in itself (on the coolness factor). I can't believe I'm saying that after just admitting to you 20 minutes ago on the phone I've only brushed my teeth twice this weekend, haven't bathed since Friday and just brushed my hair for the first time in 3 days (to those that don't know, we're headed to Atlanta 10 days after X-Mas for the big daddy of trade shows that our lives have revolved around to the point of almost killing each other getting ready for this m-fer of a bastard that no matter what I do or how hard I work I feel completely unpreprared and inadequate for). Hence the dirtiness, no time for hygeine. And that bi-atch (I actaully love her) of a therapist of mine has the flu.

So I end this "comment" which somehow turned into my own blog with this - I have the greatest sister in the world and I'm smiling from ear to ear cause SHE, the one who I idolized growing up, thinks I'M cool! Wow! Life is good!