Monday, July 14, 2008

Noses and Stones

I think Brighid and Keith might be fucking with me. Seriously. I've been (slowly) putting together a post about Brighid's new nose and decided to add the pictures this morning. How did I not notice how ENORMOUS the files were? Each time I opened an emailed picture my computer froze. After 2 or 3 attempts, I saved each picture to my hard drive...and attempted to delete them from my email.

ATTEMPTED!

They would NOT delete, people!!

I think I could easily blame my recent computer problems on Brighid's nose. Or pictures of Brighid's nose. I bet it's the up-the-snout shots she sent. I bet if I made a big enough stink (no pun intended), they'd have to replace my computer. One with a bigger memory. And a giant flat screen monitor.

I'll work on that.

But in the meantime, medical updates on my siblings.

First, the new nose. I was actually sent a before picture featuring Brighid's head tilting back and a full view of the deviated septum, but I thought I'd spare you the visual (and it's one I accidentally deleted before I copied it to My Pictures). Imagine, if you will, Brighid's head tilted back like a pez dispenser, with a pink jelly bean shoved up one nostril, almost completely blocking the air passage. That's what it looked like. Oh, never mind, I did save it. See the jelly bean? Kinda gross, eh? Anyway, as you may or may not remember, she was offered a free nose job to shave down a couple of inherited bumps and bulges while on the gurney prepping for the surgery. As this was not anticipated, she didn't take too many side before shots (thank God...I don't think my Fred Flintstone computer could take it!). Anyway, the surgery went well...no problems and the surgeon was very satisfied with his work.
The week after surgery sounded like a little slice of hell as she had thingies jammed up her nose and had to ritualistically suction or drain or something or another every few hours(and Mom, who says she can't physically breath through her mouth, claims she would have died). This is 2 days post surgery and doesn't she look like she's having fun? No shower, no taste buds, no sleep. Happy, happy, joy, joy!
But it was all worth it! After having the stints removed and an industrial strength vacuum cleaner shoved up there to remove a week's worth of gunk, she is breathing like a regular person now (sans pink jelly bean) and looks beautiful.
Ok, so from Dr. 90210 to Dr. Wee-Wee. Last I spoke with Justin, he had yet to pass his giant kidney stone. The urologist could apparently see it floating about the kidney, probably picking up calcium chicks before it's journey. His immediate pain was over, but can you imagine the anticipation of still having to pass it? Every time you go to the bathroom you wonder "is this the pee that sends me crashing to the floor while a ball of razor blades makes it's way to the porcelain pool?". I think I'd be constantly drunk. Or, at the very least, sedated.

Katy is up here visiting Tami's parents, so Justin and Tami went away this weekend (some romantical weekend shit), so I have not yet heard if he left any shiny little trinkets behind. He apparently also had to tinkle in a gallon jug for a day to see if they could figure out why he gets these things (my guess is the Dos Equis)(and I had to do that once and all I remember is that some preservative stuff in the jug smoked every time I made a liquid deposit...very freaky). Anyway, maybe Justin will send a picture of the stone when it's out. Stay tuned.

7 comments:

Bird said...

New computer is in the mail!

Nose job or kidney stone.....
Hmmm, I think I'll stick with the nose job! Picking my nose with Q-Tips for the next 6 months is still better than collecting my own pee for 24 hours :-)

Martine said...

And you look goy-geous to boot!

I'll let Justin speak for his own laundry list of health complaints (last thing I need is a HPPA lawsuit from my own kin), but you should be happy it was only the nose!

Winks said...

If you had the blog up a while ago, I would have put my boobs up for view while they were still new!
Other people's doctor doctor problems are much more interesting than one's own.
I think Bird has the smallest nose in the family now! BEAUTIFUL!!

Martine said...

Winks,
The blog is always open for boobs! Email me some before and afters...I'll post 'em!

On a side note, one of my best friends had a reduction about 10 yrs ago. She was single at the time, so I had to help her with her bandage changes. And we still talk about "the time I rubbed your nipples".

Martine said...

With antibiotic cream!!

Bird said...

Boo-bee Pictures!
Boo-bee Pictures!
Boo-Bee Pictures!

The Butterfly said...

THOSE HAIRCUTS ARE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FOR TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.All that talk of body parts is enough to scare any one.I will stay out of that as I can only mention the fact that some body parts are really on the way south. Thank heavens for spanx!Love to all the readers of the blog.